Seeing Him In Them

As for me and many other people, Father's Day is not the most joyous occasion. For some it is because of a father that didn't exactly follow the Lord's leading when being a father. For others it is because their father has passed and it is painful to not wish him Happy Father's Day. I was thinking last week about this day of celebration that was coming. I immediately cried and wished I could just speak to him and hug him. I wished he could see how wonderful Katelyn is growing up and how big and crazy Samuel is now. Then, it dawned on me. There are so many ways that I see my dad in my children. It is almost like he left his mark on them or that God allowed me to have those glimpses of him on those really hard days. I see my dad in Katelyn by the way she works. She loves to get dirty and work hard outside. She likes tools and wants to know how to use them. She could spend all day out in his building just staring at all the tools, gadgets, and nascar memoribila. She loves knives and now has his whole collection. She loves to fish and get in the lake. There are even sometimes, when she is quiet, I swear I see his face.

Samuel loves to talk silly and make people laugh. It is like when my dad used to call me and pretend he was someone else and could not figure out how I knew it was him (he never understood that his number popped up when he called). He writes with his right hand but seems to bat, kick, swing and throw like a lefty, JUST LIKE MY DAD!! He sleeps like a rock and loves sweets! He loves to laugh and there are times as he laughs, I see my dad's crooked smile. They may never understand why pawpaw had to go so soon but they will always have him in them. So, as I wished my hubby a Happy Father's Day and see the amazing father he is, I have peace that God gives me those moments where I see my dad again. Happy Father's Day dad....see ya soon!!

Weary

I have to be honest: I am weary. It is that kind of weary that is down in your bones. Weary spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally. I am at a point of hitting a wall every day. It is becoming frustrating because I hate feeling this way and I have way to much to do to be in this place. Days like these make me long for heaven and the beauty that will engulf me there. I know that Satan wants nothing more than to destroy me. He is more than ready to pounce on me, my family, and my home. Today, I was kinda angry. Angry that my emotions and circumstances can so overtake me on low days. Angry that my dad isn't here. Angry that things and relationships change. Angry that I can't be stronger. Angry that I let Satan win somedays.

As I have gone through the day, I have tried to offer up a quick, emotionless prayer hoping that God would just break through. I want Him to pick me up and take me to the mountaintop. I am SO DONE in this valley!! Then, the Holy Spirit quietly and peacefully assured me to remember Job. At the very beginning of Job, we see God and Satan wrestling with their words. We see Satan assuring God that the only reason Job serves Him is because everything has gone great for him. Satan wants to just give Job some difficulties to prove that in the midst of trouble, he would not stay faithful to God. As I thought about Job, one word came to mind: Sovereign. Satan could do nothing to Job without it going through the grace filled filter of God. God still made the rules. God still said what could happen and what could not. As I go through a weary season and I am not sure how long it will last or how hard it will get, I have to trust that God is Sovereign. Anything that comes my way has passed through His hands first. Whether I need to grow or change, He is my potter and I the clay. Molding is painful and can take awhile but I am still in His hands through the whole process. Thanks for letting me be honest and real today. I pray that you who are in the midst of weary days will be encouraged by the picture of God's sovereign grace that we see in Job.