Reflections!

I have decided that in order to get out of the funk I have been in, I need to remember the past year I have had. I am one blessed woman and no matter how hard the holidays are for me, I need joy! This past year has had many up's and down's and I thought I'd share some reflections I have had:

1. My husband is the most faithful, loyal, gifted, loving, and amazing hubby, father, and pastor. I have seen this man grow so much in this past year. I have seen him walk through trials and come out praising Jesus. I have seen him love on people more than anyone has ever loved them. I have seen him joyfully lay himself down for others. He is doing what he has been called to do and I have never seen him happier. I really don't know how I got him but I am so thankful he looked my way almost 12 years ago!

2. My kids rock my world. They challenge me to the core and I am thankful for that. I would not really understand the love of God had I not had them. I have seen them learn alongside each other and Josh and I. I have seen them fight, embrace, forgive, and grow. I have seen them imagine, explore, and search. I have seen them hurt when a friend hurts and Katelyn weep for the children in Newtown. I have seen Katelyn fall more in love with horses and riding and Samuel sing louder and drum harder to Jesus worshipping songs. I have heard them play together so peacefully and have times of misunderstandings more than I care to remember. I have no desire to be anywhere except here with them each and everyday. My heart longs to hold them and disciple them each second even on the not so good days. They are my treasure, my arrows, asking to be sharpened and sent out into this world for Jesus.

3. Words only go so far. Josh and I have walked with people through some tough stuff. We could have all the greatest words in the world, but walking with them changes things. Loving them when they have given up, become the worst of themselves, and been beaten down by those around them is what they long for. We have learned to love like Christ loves. My sin is forgiven and God sees me as righteous. Why would I not do the same for someone else? Jesus spent more time with those who the religious people forgot. He walked with them and spoke truth in love whether they wanted to hear it or not. I have learned that this is the call of Christ: loving people when they are on the mountain and even more when they are in the dessert.

4. I am impatient and easily overwhelmed  I thought I'd throw this in there because this year, I have learned this more than I cared to. I already knew this about myself but God actually broke me down teaching me to turn to Him in these weaknesses. He sees me, the good and the bad, and He loves me anyway. I am not superwoman who can do it all. If there is too much on my plate, I can crack. I have learned this year to only take on what I can and do not feel bad when I have to say no. If anything interrupts my first callings as wife and mom, then I will not do it. I have learned that we all have different things that God calls us to do and we have to realize those things in light of God's calling for every Christian. There are days when I wish I could do more, be more, endure more, but at the end of the day, I am blessed by what God allows me to do.

5. Church planting is no joke. Josh and I were so excited to move into the call God had for us but I never knew how much satan would attack us personally and those who have been involved. He wants nothing more than to thwart anything God had planned. We have been through the ringer but we count it all JOY!!!! WE LOVE GLC. We have loved getting to know so many people in our community and being a part of something bigger. We love having so many people in our home and so many kids running around. Gospel Life has been a breath of fresh air and in 12 years of ministry, we finally understand why we have walked where we have. God prepared us for this church and we are extremely blessed to be here! I miss it when we aren't there and can't wait to see the people in our lifegroup through the week. What a fun time we are having!!!


There are many more reflections but these were the big ones. 2012 will end and I have no idea what is in store for 2013. I know that God will continue to teach, guide, direct, mold and move us for His glory and His alone!!!

Self

But none of these things move me; nor do I count my life dear to myself, so that I may finish my race with joy, and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God. (Acts 20:24)

My reading this morning was this verse. This is a morning where I woke up with a sore body from lifting heavy things yesterday and having a bed that's 12 years old. My first thought was, I need a massage. I mean, when is the last time I had one? It has been way to long. This is a morning where I don't feel like teaching and just want to dance around the kitchen all morning. This is a morning where I have been thinking about why my house isn't selling because we need a better house. I know, I know, can you say SELF-CENTERED!!! Not that those things are inherently bad but if that is all that has consumed my mind this morning, I have only been thinking of myself and what I want for the last hour. Then, I sit down at my stained (by painting sessions with my kids) and handed down kitchen table and wonder if I'll ever have furniture that was not owned by someone else before me? I opened up my laptop, which annoys me because a key is missing and half the time it doesn't function the way it should. I go to my reading and this verse is what I study. Funny how God already knew how I would wake up this morning. The part of the verse that struck me was ," nor do I count my life dear to myself." Paul writes that in order to finish the race with JOY and the ministry that He has for me is to not count my life as my own. There are things God has called me to and that is how I share the gospel of grace with my life. How can I do that if all I think about is myself and how I somehow deserve better than I already have. As soon as I read this verse and studied meanings of it, I was convicted and set at peace all at the same time. Convicted that I was selfish the moment I woke up and at peace because the things I mentioned above are blessings I do not deserve.If all we do is dance around the kitchen this morning, than that is a memory that will stay in my kids minds forever and that is better than any type of curriculum we do today. My house is perfect and everything we NEED and if it never sells, then it is the house that should be our HOME. My kitchen table has so many stains, chips in the wood and splatters of paint because my kids sit around it while we learn and talk together EVERYDAY. I have a laptop, that's all that needs to be said. God has things for me to do and I must do those things with JOY so as to finish the race with an obedient heart. I am so blessed that even in the midst of this kind of thinking, God loves me and shows me grace once again. Thank goodness He sees my heart and immediately put things back into perspective before I go too long through my day in that kind of selfish thinking. If I never have anything or any type of pleasure, I must finish the race with JOY because all that I need is Jesus. Thank you God for choosing to bless me even when I lose my mind every now and then. 

Homemade Advent

I have always wanted a Christmas Advent calendar. I wanted the really cool ones with boxes that pull out and all that. Once I saw the prices for them, I immediately went to Pinterest to find a homemade version of what I liked. I found several but I didn't want to spend any money. I wanted to use things I already had but wanted it to be super cute and fit our family. SOOO.....the kids and I got working today on making our very first Advent Calendar. I thought I'd share how it all turned out. Here's how cute it is:

It was exactly what I wanted and fits us just right: not perfect but perfect to us. I started out by finding an old chalkboard in the garage and painted the frame part brown and put a cream color all over the chalkboard part to help the colored cards stand out. These were paints I already had.

Then I moved on to making the string for cards to hang on with clothespins and also had the kids paint the clothespins the same brown as the frame. The string I used was string Katelyn had with some of her jewelry making things and I just tied them onto thumbtacks to make my "little clothesline".

The kids loved helping paint the clothespins. I had clothespins left over from a project we did awhile ago so I just pulled those out.

 Then we got our cards cut out and began decorating each one. I used to scrapbook a lot so I have a ton of paper, die cuts, stickers, etc. They ended up looking very cute and I also have cool cutting tools so it made them nice and even.

After the cards for each day were all decorated I made little activities we would do on that day to go under each one. This was the fun part because I got to think of cool things we could do and also got some ideas from the list off the blog that I was following for this. Here are some of the things we'll be doing:

THAT'S IT!!! Once I got those done, we hung each one with a clothespin and this very cute and fun Advent Calendar cost me NOTHING!!! I am so excited to start tomorrow and even more excited to start this as a family tradition each year!

Here's the Blog I pulled our ideas from:
http://www.thriftyandthriving.com/2012/11/christmas-countdown-advent-activity-calendar-homemade-holiday-2012/

Update!

Many people have asked for an update of Gospel Life and how the church plant is going so I thought I'd do one blog for all of you to read. GLC is going great! We actually are doing so well that we are waiting for something to happen...funny how we do that! When I say it is going well, I don't mean we have a lot of people coming(which we've been surprised by the amount) or that we are a perfect church. We are all imperfect people just following God's call and letting Him handle the rest. When I say it is going great I mean that we have seen God show up on Sunday's, during Lifegroups, in new friendships, having lunch with people, and even in phone calls and texts. He has reached down and blessed GLC and we are so excited. My husband almost jumped up on a chair one Sunday because he was excited about the word the Lord had given him. We have had people confess to past addictions and how they are now being healed and renewed by the Lord. We have had people tell their story of a past abortion and how it affects them now but how God is healing and restoring them. They are walking in truth instead of lies from Satan and God is using them like crazy because of their courage and humility! We have had people say they don't have to be "plastic" here and that they are forgiven and can be redeemed. We have been and are still walking through some dark times with people but that's what a family does. We were asked by the City of Newton to help with their Lighting of The Tree downtown this past weekend because of our willingness to embrace what they are already doing in the community. We could easily plan and do our own things but why not be a part of what is already happening and bless the community we live in? We have been able to share in Movies in The Park this past summer, Spooktacular, and now The Christmas Tree Lighting. We love that they want us there and what better way to invest into your community and get outside the walls of our building. We are already supporting our first missionary couple and a young man who is a missionary in the army. We have met some pretty great people and love that we are seeing the people that were once visitors, volunteering and being a part of what we are doing! GLC's core team is a group of amazing, selfless, strong, and godly people. They are willing to do anything to make GLC be everything God wants it to be. We are so excited about all the things God has in store for us and more than anything, WE WANT TO SEE PEOPLE CHANGED. We live in a very religious community. We want to see people have a relationship with Jesus that requires surrender and repentance not just a talk about Him. God has been so good to us and we are not worthy of any of it. He has shown us what church really looks like and what people in our community really seek. I have heard many people say that they feel that they are part of a family here at GLC and we love that! Even more, we want people to feel they are a part of family before they may even believe. The last 20 months have been uplifting, freeing, difficult, challenging, scary, eye opening, and unimaginable. I love this community and I love the people that God has allowed us to get to know and walk through life with. We are thankful for the support and love that has been all over us. We are thankful for Providence church in Denver that had a vision and is now seeing it come to pass. We are thankful that even when it gets rough, and it will, that our God never leaves us or forsakes us. We are thankful that even in our mess and imperfections, God is using us greatly! Thanks to the many people that have asked how things are going and have prayed for us earnestly. Keep it coming!!!

Why I Am So Thankful!

I love the thankfulness that is spread during this year. I really want to be more thankful each day not just around Thanksgiving and Christmas. My thankfulness started back in May with one diagnosis. Many people know my story of miscarriage after miscarriage before Samuel and we never got an answer for why those were happening. God BLESSED us with Samuel and we were so thankful to have two amazing kids. I loved that I had a super smart and talented tomboy in my sweet Katelyn Faith and a VERY loud and CRAZY little boy in my snugly Samuel. I was at peace with how things had turned out and I knew that as Romans says, " All things work together for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purposes." Even though hard days were behind us, we knew God had a plan and we were thankful for it even without having any answers. May 2012 came and I was having some physical problems. After many tests, biopsies, ultrasounds, and blood work, doctors found that I had a condition which would require a hysterectomy. I was scared, sad, and confused. My first question was, "Could this have been what caused all those miscarriages?" My doctor said, " I think so." So my second question was, " Then how did I have Samuel?" Her response will forever stay in my head. She said," I have no idea how you carried him?" A doctor who is intelligent and knows everything there is to know about these issues says to me, " I DON'T KNOW!" I immediately knew the answer and it was that my Savior has intervened and caused my body to carry a SON and allowed him and I to be healthy. I was in awe for days that after 5 years, we had received our answer. I could not believe that my God, in his timing, made all things good. So today, this year, I am thankful for my two incredible children. I am thankful that I get to train and disciple them everyday. I am thankful that even when we walk with no answers, God is still at work. I am thankful that my dad got to meet and love on both my kids before he passed. I am thankful that I am a mommy and that my kids, even though make me very tired, are the lights of my life. Thank you Jesus that I am such a blessed woman.

" Uninsured"

I know this will freak a lot of people out but we have been "uninsured" for 18 months. Oh.My.Word!!!! When I tell people that their normal question is, " What if something happens?" or " What if you have to have surgery or there's something serious going on?" When Josh told me 18 months ago that we were going to drop our health insurance because it was too expensive and it was just getting worse, I was not on board. I think the woman in me likes the security of knowing there is something in place in case something really awful happened. I didn't really worry about Josh and I, but the kids. I wanted to make sure that they would always be safe and have any medical attention they would need. Josh had prayed about this and I knew that in order to let my man lead like the way he is called to, I needed to trust that God was directing him in the best way to lead our family. So, we joined a Christian Co-op called Samaritan's Ministries. It is a Biblical, non-insurance approach to health care needs. What that means is that every student, single, or family pays in to it monthly and our money goes straight to a family or person that has medical bills. It is an awesome feeling to send a check every month to a person and not a mutil-billion dollar company with high paid CEO's and money going who knows where. We have loved having this ministry and I thought I would share how great it is and even some pictures.

I just had surgery....YES, surgery while "uninsured". It went smoothly and now I am beginning to get my gifts from people all over the world to help carry the burden of my bills. My total cost of appointments, surgery, hospital stay, and post-op was $28,000. If I had insurance, I would be paying a deductible and 20%. With Samaritan's, the most I will pay for the whole thing is $250.00 and I may even come out paying $0. Having my needs met by other Christians that are all striving to carry each others burdens as the Bible talks about is great but the best part of it all is this:

 I get cards, letters, poems, and scripture that come with every gift. This is a picture of a sweet note that was sent to me from another family in Christ from WI.

This lady wrote a poem while she was going through some tough physical issues and she shared it with me. When you have been through a surgery and then for a month straight you get things like this in the mail EVERYDAY, you are uplifted!!! 

I wanted to share Samaritan's Ministries with all my friends because I have been amazed at what happens when the family of God comes together to meet the needs of each other. I have been blessed immensely by people I don't even know. I have seen Jesus in many of these notes, letters, and cards and even read personal testimonies. I also have been able to encourage as I send my gift each month and even been able to share victories in my life that someone from across the world needed to hear. I love this ministry and wanted to tell how great they are! 

If you are interested and would like to know more here is a link to their website. 

http://www.samaritanministries.org/ 

Treading Water!

There are days when I feel like I'm treading water. I have days when all is well and calm and other days when it's all I can do but pray for God's grace and wisdom. Today, I thought I was on top of it but then realized, the water was rising. I started our day of homeschooling off by sharing with Katelyn a verse that I felt God had given me to share with her. It was Proverbs 4:23," Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life." We talked about what that meant and asked why she thought mommy and daddy talk to her a lot about her heart. We talked about it and she understood that many of mommy and daddy's decisions about what we do and what we don't let her do are because we have been entrusted by God to train her, teach her, and especially because we want to help her guard her heart and teach her what that means. I got some blocks out and we talked about the foundation that was holding all the blocks up. If that foundation was weak, the rest of the blocks could not stand on it, it would crumble under the weight. I told her that we want to help her build a foundation on the Gospel so that as she grows and is ready to face this world, she has a strong base to make Jesus famous with her life. Josh and I have always been careful to tell our kids why we decide something and the reasons we feel God is calling us to do it. We never want to just give them law with no reason or promise from God to back it up. I felt like we accomplished so much before we even opened the textbooks for the day. We could have stopped right there because she had learned more in those 45 minutes than any school book could ever give her. Nonetheless, we pressed on. While on break for lunch, I heard a conversation on a little show she was watching on Netflix. I told her that I really didn't like what they were talking about and that I would rather her not watch that show(they were talking about dating and boys and my opinion on that is a whole different post:) Immediately, she went into,"I'm nine but think I'm 16 mode." SHEESH!!!! I simply reminded her of what we talked about earlier and that what she puts in her heart can determine many things: her worldview, her opinions, who she lives for, and even her future. She continued to tell me that she just "liked" the show and that she wasn't listening to that part.....HAHAHAHHAHA!!!! I remember saying those exact same words as a child: PAYBACK! Anyway, I had to walk out of the room for a minute and then we talked more about why I decided that. She still was not happy. How is it possible that after having the discussion we had earlier, she would react in that way? I thought for sure I would get a," You're right mom. My heart is so important and I need to guard it from what is contrary to God's word. Thank you for teaching me and helping me understand all of this," and then we could hug and have  a wonderful rest of the day. It was more like treading water. 

As Katelyn gets older, I know that this will get harder. I know that she will be tempted to be and do everything everyone else is doing. I know that she will question so many things but I am not sure I'm ready for it at 9. As God always does, He taught me through this treading water episode. I DO THE SAME THING. God loves me more than anyone else could. I have a Savior who wants to teach me and train me and help me guard my heart but I whine and question even though I know what He promises. I want to have "momentary pleasure" because I'm human and imperfect. WOW, does God show us our own weaknesses through our kids or what?? What a picture I got today of how I treat God's commands when He simply wants to keep me safe, help me guard my heart, and ultimately make Jesus famous with my life.