I Will Pray For Him!

Many people that have been around Samuel know that he is our "Spirited" little man. The term,"all boy" does not begin to describe him. There are moments when people talk to him that I fear what will come out of his mouth. There have been times when I have said the same thing over and over all day to this curious but oddly cautious little boy. I find myself apologizing to people for something he has said or done but I think I do it too much. There are times when he goes overboard....ok, most of the time!! I have to apologize in those moments but I have decided that instead of fearing who this little boy is, which is really just fearing the opinion of others, I am going to pray.

When I am confused because he turns everything into a gun or sword and is attacking invisible things all day, I will pray. I will pray that he will someday turn that into becoming the protector of his family and maybe even a protector of his town or country.

When I get a headache by how loud he is almost every second of the day, I will pray. I will pray that Samuel will use that loudness to proclaim to the nations who God is, that he will be a voice for the voiceless, and that he will preach all of his days those things that seem foolish to this world.

When I have to tell him to sit over and over again, I will pray. I will pray that all of that energy will be used to further the kingdom of God and that he will never sit until he has done all he can for Christ.

When people stare or comment at how I could possibly handle this ball of passion, I will pray. I will pray that all that passion will be for the ONE thing that makes this life worth living. I will pray that he will be a passionate follower of Christ, friend, husband, and father.

When he wears me out by wanting to be right beside me ALL DAY, I will pray. I will pray that he will always be full of love for his family and this world. I will pray that he always feels close to us even if he is far away.

When he screams and kicks at every battle for obedience, I will pray. I will pray that his strong will and determination will be focused on what he can do for His Savior one day and not on the opinion of those around him.

I will pray that as I raise this man, he will be more like Jesus. For now, he is not yet a man and he will continue to act like a little boy. It is my job to disciple, train, discipline, and love him as he grows. When he is being a little boy, I will not apologize. I will pray that all the things that make up this little boy of mine will one day be used for the Kingdom in greater ways than I could ever imagine. For now, I will cherish the boyhood and the moments not many people see when he snuggles, wraps his arms around my neck and tells me how beautiful I am. He is my sweetie and my miracle. God has so much for him!!!

Seeing Him In Them

As for me and many other people, Father's Day is not the most joyous occasion. For some it is because of a father that didn't exactly follow the Lord's leading when being a father. For others it is because their father has passed and it is painful to not wish him Happy Father's Day. I was thinking last week about this day of celebration that was coming. I immediately cried and wished I could just speak to him and hug him. I wished he could see how wonderful Katelyn is growing up and how big and crazy Samuel is now. Then, it dawned on me. There are so many ways that I see my dad in my children. It is almost like he left his mark on them or that God allowed me to have those glimpses of him on those really hard days. I see my dad in Katelyn by the way she works. She loves to get dirty and work hard outside. She likes tools and wants to know how to use them. She could spend all day out in his building just staring at all the tools, gadgets, and nascar memoribila. She loves knives and now has his whole collection. She loves to fish and get in the lake. There are even sometimes, when she is quiet, I swear I see his face.

Samuel loves to talk silly and make people laugh. It is like when my dad used to call me and pretend he was someone else and could not figure out how I knew it was him (he never understood that his number popped up when he called). He writes with his right hand but seems to bat, kick, swing and throw like a lefty, JUST LIKE MY DAD!! He sleeps like a rock and loves sweets! He loves to laugh and there are times as he laughs, I see my dad's crooked smile. They may never understand why pawpaw had to go so soon but they will always have him in them. So, as I wished my hubby a Happy Father's Day and see the amazing father he is, I have peace that God gives me those moments where I see my dad again. Happy Father's Day dad....see ya soon!!

Weary

I have to be honest: I am weary. It is that kind of weary that is down in your bones. Weary spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally. I am at a point of hitting a wall every day. It is becoming frustrating because I hate feeling this way and I have way to much to do to be in this place. Days like these make me long for heaven and the beauty that will engulf me there. I know that Satan wants nothing more than to destroy me. He is more than ready to pounce on me, my family, and my home. Today, I was kinda angry. Angry that my emotions and circumstances can so overtake me on low days. Angry that my dad isn't here. Angry that things and relationships change. Angry that I can't be stronger. Angry that I let Satan win somedays.

As I have gone through the day, I have tried to offer up a quick, emotionless prayer hoping that God would just break through. I want Him to pick me up and take me to the mountaintop. I am SO DONE in this valley!! Then, the Holy Spirit quietly and peacefully assured me to remember Job. At the very beginning of Job, we see God and Satan wrestling with their words. We see Satan assuring God that the only reason Job serves Him is because everything has gone great for him. Satan wants to just give Job some difficulties to prove that in the midst of trouble, he would not stay faithful to God. As I thought about Job, one word came to mind: Sovereign. Satan could do nothing to Job without it going through the grace filled filter of God. God still made the rules. God still said what could happen and what could not. As I go through a weary season and I am not sure how long it will last or how hard it will get, I have to trust that God is Sovereign. Anything that comes my way has passed through His hands first. Whether I need to grow or change, He is my potter and I the clay. Molding is painful and can take awhile but I am still in His hands through the whole process. Thanks for letting me be honest and real today. I pray that you who are in the midst of weary days will be encouraged by the picture of God's sovereign grace that we see in Job.

A Jesus Wedding

Josh and I bought the house we did for many reasons but one of our top reasons was for ministry. We wanted to have a floor plan and setup that allowed us to minister to people in our home and have a home that was comfortable for any guests. Since we have moved, we have been renovating and I have felt like it is not ready for guests yet. Well, Josh decided that he'd invite a couple over for premarital counseling. I was worried about not having a dining room table yet and really not even being able to use the main floor. To my surprise, they didn't care and it worked out fine. As I sat with Josh and this couple in our basement, I realized that our home was already being used for ministry. The funny thing is that it was a ministry to me by this sweet couple.

Jason and Vanessa have been together for 6 years and she finally said YES!!! Jason has been down a road of drugs and jail. Vanessa is the sweetest lady who Josh met through work. They began coming to Gospel Life as soon as it started but there was about a month that we didn't see them. Josh got a letter in the mail from Jason and he was in jail. We had no idea but the letter was unbelievable. Jason, who we had only met a few times had been radically saved by Jesus while away. His letter was explaining where he had been and where he was at that time. Josh could not wait to see him again and hear the full story of redemption and repentance that had taken place in his life. Well, here they were sitting in our basement and we were talking about planning their wedding. Jason, now 80 pounds lighter and full of Jesus glowed along with his soon to be wife as they sat on our couch and discussed their pasts. As I sat and listened, I was in awe of what they wanted their wedding to be about. They could care less about a unity candle and bridesmaids or an aisle runner or suit and ties. Jason just kept saying all he wanted was for it to be about Jesus. That simple! Every time we'd talk about a detail they may want, he always brought it back to Jesus. I listened to this newly redeemed man and I was blown away by his courage and passion. We talked about marriage and the covenant that it is. Jason and Vanessa may never understand how they ministered to me. I have been saved much longer and life can sometimes get in the way of passion and courage. Seeing it alive and pouring from them encouraged me.

The coolest part is that Jason and Vanessa want to be married during our church service. WOW!!! Do you know why?? Because they want it to be worshipful and all about Jesus!! They want family and friends who would maybe not come to church hear the gospel because they will come if it is their wedding. So, tomorrow, Jason and Vanessa will be married but I have a feeling that everyone there will not just see Jason and Vanessa up there, but Jesus!! They have made it very clear that Jesus will be glorified and lifted high by all of the worship songs and words that will be sung and said tomorrow. I am praying that Jason sees many friends that remember him before he got a new heart. I am praying that they will see Jesus in his eyes and want that for themselves. I am blown away that this wedding is taking place in our church and it will be a morning of worshipping and praising Jesus for what He has done in this couples life. They will have their two kids right next to them and I can't wait to see them become a family! As the service ends, the Gospel Life family will get to lay hands on this sweet couple and pray for them and their new marriage. Tomorrow, GLC will have a Jesus wedding and I am so thankful to be a part of this!!!!

UPDATE: Introducing Jason and Vanessa!!!!

My Glimpse of Maturity

This past week we lost a sweet little family member. Buttercup, Katelyn's guinea pig, became very sick. We weren't sure whether to keep watching him each day and maybe he would get better or take him to the vet. See, animals stress me out. I LOVE them. I think they are precious and so sweet but I am not a fan of taking care of one. I will snuggle with a pet at someone else's house but I get very anxious at the idea of being responsible for one. My daughter, on the other hand, LOVES ANIMALS and all that comes with it. She can't handle people puke but she will clean up an animals! She has this crazy way about her that animals love her and will do just about anything for her. It really is a gift that God has blessed her with. With all that said, my sweet girl and been through a lot of loss in her short 9 years. She has lost 3 dogs, a fish, a hermit crab, an aunt, 2 great grandma's, a great grandfather, 3 siblings, an amazing grandfather(my dad), and now Buttercup. She has seen and felt the pain of great loss for a kid. I have held her and listened to her as she has tried to make sense of it all. She has held me as I have broken down with the weight that loss brings. I have no doubt that God has allowed her to go through it all for something great that He is going to do in her life. I have no doubt that she will rock this world to the core for Jesus' name. But I can't help but weep at the thought of all she feels and struggles through to see God in it all.

On Wednesday, we decided to take Buttercup to the vet. The news was not great. They told us about all the tests they could run and that we would still need to administer all kinds of medication and feed him with droppers and monitor him. The day before we took him I was thinking," We are talking about a guinea pig. They don't live long anyway and people eat them in other countries. This is crazy to take him to a vet and pay all this money." But as we sat there listening to the vet, I began to cry. I cried because I knew my daughter, with her her heart for animals, would do anything for any kind of animal. I knew she has already been through enough loss and now this. As the vet began to tell me the cost of it all and that it may not even work, my mouth flew open. This was not going to be cheap. I sat quiet for a second and my sweet. sweet girl  put her hand on my arm and said," Mom, I don't want you to pay this money. Just let him go. He is struggling and it is not fair for him to go through that. Now, can I go to the car?" Then, she began to cry and walked out of the room. I was in awe. My little girl had seen a lot of this and had learned to let go when that was the best thing to do. I looked at the vet and she looked as shocked as me. I dried up my tears, called Josh for final answers and made the decision to put Buttercup to sleep. I picked up Samuel, headed to the car and just held her as she wept. We went home and she rode her bike for an hour not wanting to really talk at all. She cried some more that night and we just kept hugging her and telling her we loved her. That was not a good day but that is the first time she has thought not only of herself but the well-being of everyone and everything around her. I saw this glimpse of maturity rise up within her to make a hard decision. I was sad for her in that moment but SO PROUD of the maturity that took place. It didn't mean she wasn't still going to be sad but it meant that through all the loss she has been through, she was beginning to learn that letting go is ok. She is beginning to see that this life is so short and that our HOME that awaits us is forever and glorious. Wednesday was a rough day but also a day that I saw who my little girl will be and what God is stirring within her. My glimpse of maturity was in the eyes and words of the little girl God blessed me with. Maybe one day, I'll be like her when I grow up...:)

The "Thigh Gap"

Every now and then, Josh will get up and make breakfast and bring me coffee in bed. These are the mornings I can catch a little bit of Good Morning America since half the time I have no idea what is going on in the world. I can tell you why Curious George is riding an Elephant or how to create a Constellation Planetarium but everyday news slips by me. This morning was a breakfast and coffee in bed kind of morning. As I got in a little news from Good Morning America, I was stunned by something going on in teenage girl world. It is something called " The Thigh Gap." I had no clue this existed and just how widespread and well known it is among teenage girls. Popularity actually depends on it and it is something very highly sought after by thousands of sweet teenage girls. "Thigh Gap" is when there is space between your thighs and the bigger that gap, the better. This means the skinnier and more skeleton like your thighs look, the better! I was in awe of the pictures they were showing of girls taking pictures of their thighs and posting them to twitter, facebook, and tumblr. Some of the pictures had captions like, " I'm almost there, my gap is getting bigger," and " I will never have the awesome gap so and so does." ARE YOU SERIOUS??? Is that really what our teenage girls are striving for? What happened to confidence in how God made them or being healthy so that you can carry children one day? I was stunned by the young girls being interviewed and how they felt about the "craze" among their peers. They said this "thigh gap" is what makes you popular in many circles, just like long hair and perfect skin. I was floored that teenage girls are out there posting these pictures and working so hard to have this "gap" and there is no mention of excellence in intelligence or beauty in the heart that God gave them. I am also saddened that our society, as a whole, has created this need in young girls to look like they haven't eaten in a year. They make this "thigh gap" seem like it is the way to be beautiful and feel confident. Good Morning America showed picture after picture off of teenage girls accounts that were just of their thighs. One right after the other. Parents, we have to teach our girls the beauty that really lies within. Every beautiful woman in The Bible was described as having a fear of the Lord (Proverbs 31:30) and if they did have outward beauty, it was not what made them who they were. They had hearts that followed God (Esther and Ruth). They fell at Jesus's feet (Mary) and clung to his every word (The Woman at the Well). As I raise a nine year old little girl, soon to be teenager, I pray constantly that she will never see the outside beauty she has and desire to let it make her who she is but that her heart would be seen first. I pray that she sees her beauty as a reflection of Jesus in her and that what she does with Christ is what makes her who she is. I pray that I will ALWAYS speak to the heart of all she does and not what her outside reveals. My heart breaks that girls are buying into the lie from Satan that they have to look a certain way to be worth something. Girls: Jesus died for our hearts not our thighs. He created you exactly the way you are and you are a reflection of Him. Let Him have your heart and your body and see where He leads you. Beauty is when you fear the Lord and follow Him closely. Jesus, help us as parents to teach our girls what Your Word says beauty is. Help us to model that beauty as moms, day in and day out. Help us to create an environment in our homes that is Jesus uplifted instead of self. Help ME to see myself as beautiful so that my daughter will see it in her.

Community

I was talking to someone today and they said something that I hear all the time: " I just want some Christian community." I cannot tell you how much I have heard this in the last few years and a lot more in the last few months. Many times that also comes with the comment," Going to church on Sunday is fine but why is there not times outside the "church" building for me to just live life with other believers? No studies, no gimmicks, and no games, just times where we really become friends and have cherished moments of confession and realness." My first thought is usually because everyone is too busy but is it really that? Are we really so busy that we don't have time to really live life with friends that are going to be our constant encouragement? I am not sure that being busy is really the answer at all. Deep down, I see it in me. I cherish time alone. I love having moments where no one needs me and I can sit and relax. It may be because I am with a nine and three year old all day, everyday. I am sure that is part of it but there will always be a desire in me for intimacy. God created me with that. I want intimacy with Christ, my husband, and my children first and then intimacy with friends comes next. I think we really do need to do life with others. We need to confess and cry. We need to have moments of pure joy and times of sorrow. We need to be silly and talk about deep, serious issues. More than anything, investing in others is God's calling for every believer. As my hubby says, " There are two things that will last forever: God and people." Anything else I invest in will fade away when I meet Jesus. I love when I can sit with a group of people and just be me. Even more, I love when people can sit with me and be them!!! There is such a freedom that comes with having that kind of friendship. You know the kind when no matter what is said or not said, there is always love. Community with each other goes beyond the, "Hey, how are you?" It is an intimacy that resembles Christ. It gets real and dirty and you miss it when you are away! I guess more than anything, Christian community starts and ends with the gospel. I cannot have that kind of relationship outside of having my first love be Christ. So as I get responses like that, I see more and more that people crave community. It is how we are "wired". It is what binds us together to fulfill all that we are called to be and do. I am very thankful for the "community" in my life and the way Jesus uses it to change, challenge, encourage, and love me.