My Letter To You, Dad!!

Dad,

As all the Father's Day commercials play and presents are bought, I hurt. I miss you more than you could ever imagine. This will be my first Father's Day without you. There are days when I feel like you are still here and other days when knowing you are gone makes my heart ache. I remember so much about you. I remember when I was young and a boy gave me my first heartbreak. You held me in the corner of my room while I cried. You didn't tell me how ridiculous I was being or tell me to stop, you just held me. I will never forget that security and warmth I felt. I remember you working 2 jobs to put me and Jerry in Christian school but never missing a ball game. I remember when mom told you it was us or alcohol and you chose us. YOU CHOSE US!!!! I remember my wedding day and how happy you were but how you kept reminding me that I was still your little girl. We danced and I cried because I knew things would change between us. I remember when I was in labor with Katelyn, you drove home 3 hours to work ( because they wouldn't let you off) and drove right back when you got off just in time to see your new granddaughter. I remember when I was little and I loved working in your tool shed with you because you loved teaching me to work with my hands. I remember it all dad!!! You were amazing and God used you to shape who I am now. Thank you for showing me how to love and be loved. Thank you for constantly reminding me not to worry and give it to the Lord. More than anything, THANKS FOR CHOOSING ME!!! You could have chosen a different road but you loved me and the Lord that much!! Katelyn will always remember her pawpaw who thought she hung the moon. Who swam with her in 30 degree water because no one else would. And who rode her on the Harley when he didn't feel good. She will never forget you. Samuel stills remembers when you taught him to wind up when he throws a ball and sees a picture of you and smiles and says "Pawpaw John". Oh, how I wish they could have you as they grow up like I did. I know this pain I feel will get easier to bear but I miss you!!! So, on this Father's Day, I will still celebrate you. You still live on in us and all the things you taught us. I know that you will have an amazing Father's Dat dancing with your Savior. It will be the best you have ever had. I love you daddy!!!! And I will see you soon!!!

Marriage

It has been so long since I have posted. I have been through so much in the last few months, which maybe one day I'll write about. I am brokenhearted over some news from old friends about their marriage. I wrestle with wondering how we get to a place that marriage is no longer a covenant but a bus ticket where we can get on and off.  I have a heavy heart for these friends and know that God has so much more for our marriages.

On July 28th, Josh and I will celebrate 10 years of marriage. WOW, what a wild ride it has been. There have been ups and downs but not once, even in the lowest points, did I ever want to be without this man. He is my best friend, my mentor, and my biggest fan, and my encourager. In 10 years, he has grown in such an amazing way that I thank God everyday for this man. As the husband and leader of our home, I have seen him mature into a man with high standards and much strength. The father that he is blows me away and our kids are and will benefit greatly from him. I say all that to say, that I am in for the long haul. We are not perfect and there are days when I don't like him very much but God sustains our marriage.

I believe that our marriages are attacked greatly because Satan knows if he gets our marriages he gets us. I think he wants our husbands first, as the leaders of our home, because if he gets the leader, he has more of chance to get the home and family. I want a marriage that is Christ-centered above all else. I strive to point my emotions, opinions, and life to Christ. If I do that then my marriage can thrive. If I linger in my pride, selfishness, and rights , my marriage will fail. I am so thankful for the godly man that I have been blessed with and the love that he constantly shows me even when I don't deserve it. What a picture of Jesus he is to me.

Oh God, be in our marriages. Pour your spirit into our lives so that we love and respect each other. God, you have a standard of marriage and we fall short, but you are good. You continue to pick us up and set us on eagle's wings( Isaiah 40:28-31). You walk with us through the tough and good days. I give it all to you. Do with it what you will.