Real Life Redemption

Sometimes you come across those people that inspire your socks off. You know, the ones who have walked journey's that should have ended them. They are the one's who could have easily become victims and continued to walk in the condemnation and guilt that only comes from Satan. Instead, they were chased by their Savior and He won. He won their heart, life, and future. Well, I get to experience a person like this every week. Our core team is blessed to have this woman with us. She walks in truth and holds to her guns when all seems lost. She endures and has been healed. Though life still throws here curve balls, she waits, patiently for the Savior's strong arms to wrap around her. I wanted to share my friends story with you in hopes that you will also be blessed by her.  Love you Emily!

Sweet Redemption

5“Then I will restore to you the years that the locust swarm devoured,

as did the young locust, the other locusts, and the ravaging locust,

that great army of mine that I sent among you.

26You will have plenty to eat, and will be fully satisfied.

You will praise the name of the LORD your God,

who has performed wonders specifically for you.

And my people will never be ashamed.

27As a result, you will know that I am in the midst of Israel;

that I myself am the LORD your God—

and there is none other!

And my people will never be ashamed.”

Joel 2:25-27

In 2006, when I accepted Jesus into my heart and into my life, I had no idea to what capacity the word redemption would hold for me.  The years before had been years filled with destructive habits, self-demolition, and darkness.  Sin had ruled and reigned so heavy in my life that even my physical body ached of it, just as King David's had. Satan had managed to, even if only momentarily, disrupt every plan for Hope and a Future that God had for me. 

Moments before the Spirit of God completely invaded my life, I sat hopeless; ruined; and completely broken.  Digging a way out of the mud and mire that I was in seemed ridiculously impossible, and for me, it was. 

BUT GOD...Don't you just love when a story has those two words in it? BUT GOD, in His deep love and mercy; being Jehovah-Rapha (The God who Heals), knew I needed help.  He knew I needed a Mighty Savior to do for me what I could not do for myself.  I was severely wounded from the war Satan had waged against me.  I needed more than just healing.  I needed complete REDEMPTION.

So on that night in 2006, God gave me His word.  It was quite possibly the most audible word I have ever had Him speak to me.  It literally seemed to be out loud.  Not your typical still small voice.

The Lord assured me that every part of me that was broken; every area in my life that had been damaged: relationships, reputations, personal failures, and broken dreams would be healed, restored, REDEEMED.  Not partially.  Not mostly.  But back to the original canvas that God had initially created them as: Pure, clean, & undefiled by sin.

This is where I need to remind you that God NEVER breaks His promises.  He is true to His word.  He will NEVER fail His beloveds.

As I sit here seven years later, I can honestly say that my mind cannot even comprehend how the Lord has kept that promise to me way beyond anything I could have ever asked or imagined.

Tiny little details of my life that I didn’t know needed redeeming, well, He thought they did and He redeemed them!  Every minute area in my life that “the locust” or Satan had stolen from me, God gave me back TEN-FOLD! 

I wish I had time to tell you all about the REDEMPTION God has done in my life, but unfortunately I know that “ain’t nobody got time for that”.  For those who have walked with me through this journey, you have had the great honor of seeing firsthand God’s amazing work.  Consider yourselves very blessed because you have witnessed a true miracle.

Although I won’t overload you with EVERY SINGLE THING He has done, please allow me to tell you the latest two things He has redeemed.  They are really, really, good!

Many of you read on my Facebook a while back that I had a testimony to go with this pregnancy.  It is a true story of redemption and one I want the whole world to hear about. 

As most of you know, when I was 18 I had an abortion.  Satan had so entangled me in sin that I made the worst decision I have ever made in my life.  I ended the life of my first child.  Satan fought hard to convince me of this decision because he KNEW how it would destroy me.  And it did. 

Once I accepted Jesus in my heart, I knew that would be the area I needed the most healing in.  I knew that part of me needed to be redeemed.  I also knew God would do it.  I just didn’t know when or how. 

Fast-foward seven years later….. Happily married and trying to conceive our first child, my husband and I struggled through two miscarriages.  As devastating as they were, I knew my God was good and EVERYTHING he did was for my good.  So I clung to His truth and hope.  Finally, we got a SURPRISE third pregnancy!  I was called in for an early ultrasound due to the past difficulties with my other two pregnancies.  During the ultrasound, the baby was there, the heartbeat was there, but the Sonographer said the size of the baby was concerning according to my cycle dates.  They gave me my due date, which was the end of January, and told me to come back the next week to be rechecked.

Fear and doubt crept into my soul, but again, God convinced me to trust Him.  So I did. 

We came back a week later to see if our sweet baby had grown anymore and if everything was ok.  And wouldn’t you know, that little baby had the strongest heartbeat and had grown just perfectly!  The nurses concluded our dates had been wrong, the baby was right where she needed to be, and they gave me a new due date: February 13^th, 2014. 

So what is the relevance, you ask?  February 13^th is the relevance.  February is the month 8 years ago that I had ended that precious life that was growing inside of me.  8 Years ago in February, Satan had allured me into the most heinous, evil act I could have ever imagined myself doing. 

BUT GOD!  There it is again.  BUT GOD, in His sweet, sweet, sweet, redemption wanted to take that very thing that I meant for evil and turn it into GOOD for HIS GLORY.  So, on the VERY SAME MONTH (My God loves to show off) 8 years ago that I ended LIFE, God redeemed it and is giving me LIFE back! Hallelujah, WHAT A SAVIOR! 

God even had a purpose in those miscarriages.  He knew the time was not right and that if we would wait patiently, not only would he bring us the baby we were dreaming of but He would bring COMPLETE HEALING to me as well! Ah, He is so GOOD, is He not?

You know, I think today I am going to end on that note.  The second story I have of His redemption is wonderful, but I want you to sit on this one for a while and marvel at His goodness. 

He cares about you, beloved.  He cares about every MINUTE detail in your life, down to the months, hours, and seconds. 

He has not forgotten what Satan did to you and HIS vengeance, not yours but HIS, is GLORIOUS!  His vengeance is REDEMPTION.  And there is no sweeter thing. 

Understanding the Word "Helper"

When I was growing up, I was very strong-willed. As I got older that turned into me making a plan and knowing that I would never veer from it. When I was in fourth grade I remember telling my mom that I would never have a period, wear a bra, or shave my legs. That didn't work out so well for me. I was determined to be different. I wanted to be strong and if those things made me "weaker" then I wanted nothing to do with them. As I got older, that list turned into much more detailed things like never have sex before I married. Thank God I got one that I stayed with!! My reasons for those were mostly because I thought I had to "perform" in order to gain God's favor. My list was: Don't do this, this and this. I thought that was how it worked. My other reasons behind my "lists" was that I wanted to stand out, I really did wanted to be different and in my mind and how I was taught lead me to "performance." One big thing was that I loved beating boy's in anything possible. A quick game of basketball or being picked for a team in P.E. were the things that made feel strong. If I could beat a boy at a sport, I was on top of the world. I wanted everyone to know that I could do anything that he could and sometimes even better. Thoughts like those turned into a woman in college who knew that I would be submissive but that I would still have a voice when married. Josh and I have been married for 12 years and he will tell you that it is very hard for me. Well, until I really understood the gospel and what God says about women. Then, I was more than willing to be everything that God said a woman should be.

The Lord God said," It is not good for man to be alone; I will make a helper for him." Genesis 2:18

God did not say that the man was not good. He said that man's aloneness was not good. Why is that? Man was created in the image of God and had a perfect love relationship with his Creator. The man needed a relationship with one that was equal, but different, so that together the could glorify God. The different design were intended to show the diversity of the triune God. If you were like me, you cringed at the word "helper." In our society, that word can sometimes mean lower, under, follower, etc. Well hold on because this truth is what changed my view and my world. The Hebrew word for "helper" is ezer. That is the same word that is used throughout scripture to refer to God as our Helper. If that is the case than that word does not mean less important than the person being helped. Once I realized that the same calling for a woman is the same word used for God many times in the Bible blew my mind. He loves me. What a high calling for me as a woman!! Knowing God is our Helper gives us insight into what it means to be a helper.

He defends: Exodus 18:4
He sees and cares: Psalm 10:14
He supports: Psalm 20:2
He protects: Psalm 33:20
He delivers from distress: Psalm 70:5
He rescues: Psalm 72:12-14
He comforts: Psalm 86:17

These are not wimpy words. God designed His female creation to give warmth compassion, and support to relationships.God's design for women is SPECTACULAR!! When we fulfill this design, we are bringing glory to God! Now that this truth has been in my life, the word, "Helper" sounds good to me!!! So, be encouraged today that as a "helper" you are bringing glory to your Creator. You are also fulfilling the role given to you in your husband's life!! To all of my "helper" friends, ROCK ON!!!


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Get Over It

Those words were in my head a couple of months ago. I kept telling myself(or it may have been God), "Get Over It, Jenna!" The reason for that very negative pep talk was because my mind was running in circles. My daughter is so much like me and not like me at all. I know that makes no sense but it really does if you know both of us well. I don't like change, can sometimes not know when to stop talking, feel the need to state my rights when I feel they are being violated, and so on. My daughter has those same qualities but I have tried hard to break that cycle so let's just say, she's better than I in those areas. Growing up, I loved anything pink and sparkly but also loved playing in the back yard getting dirty, I loved to where dresses and heels but also loved when it was time for pajamas pants and a t-shirt(I actually probably preferred the latter). I played basketball, cheered, LOVED softball, and tried pretty much any type of activity like that. I had no desire to take care of animals or grow things(too much work). I loved dolls and making them beautiful. When Katelyn was born I pretty much changed her clothes 3 times a day. Everything she had was pink, flowery, shiny, lacy, and super girly. I loved putting BIG bows in her hair even before she really had the hair for it. Even with dressing her girly, we put her in t-ball. I wanted her to love what I loved. I wanted her to be girly and whack a softball across the field. I wanted her to be girly but strong. I wanted her to see the things I loved and want them to be a part of her life too. Then, we could connect right? We would have everything in common. I could spend my days teaching her how to pitch a softball in the backyard and then showing her how to accessorize a cute sweater. We would play baby dolls and I could show her how to braid their hair. Then reality hit and she turned 4. She didn't want baby dolls, she wanted swords and guns. She didn't want to wear dresses but jeans ALL THE TIME. I was dressing her for church one Sunday and she said that she didn't want to wear a bow in her hair that day. My mouth flew open and I was in awe that after 4 years of wearing cute bows, how could she just not want to anymore. I made her...I know, awful right. The thing is, I would continue to make her do things she didn't want to because my heart wanted her to be what I had envisioned my daughter to be. She didn't like softball and never wanted to play it. She wanted to try soccer. SOCCER? I didn't play soccer. I knew nothing about soccer. At least it was a sport and I liked sports so we signed her up. She decided she wanted to go to a camp to learn about horses. WHAT?? What about playing another sport or something? Not only did I know know anything about horses but they scared me. What if they kicked her or bucked her? She was scared at first too but faced her fear and got past it. Now, she wants to train to barrel race..AHHHH!! She wants goats, chickens, gardens, horses, dogs, flowers, and forts in our yard right now. Every one of those make me cringe. She wants to be so many things when she grows up. She wants to be a missionary, a Veterinarian, a guitar player in a band, a farmer, a horse trainer, a mommy, and a wife.

The reason I had to get over it was because God created her to be just who she is. For a purpose that I don't know, this is who she needed to be. This is what is and will bring the most glory to God. The funny thing is, out of all the little girls that could have been mine, she is exactly the little girl I would have wanted. She is courageous and strong. She is too busy doing the things she loves to be caught in any kind of drama that girls can fall into. She does not care what anyone thinks of her. She is compassionate and caring. She is helpful to those who can not help themselves. She sees beauty in God's creation and desires to make it more beautiful. She loves to make people laugh and is pretty good at it. She loves competition but is such a good sport. She has fallen in love with a horse that she tells her secrets to and will never forget this awesome time in her life. I just pray that as she grows into this woman that God will use greatly, that we train her in truth and godliness. Once I "got over it", I fell more in love with this warrior princess than I ever thought I could. I saw a beauty in her like I have never seen and a thirst for life that inspires me. As parents, we want so desperately to create a little person that fits our mold. We try and put on them what WE desire for them instead of what God has already put within them. Once we see those talents, those gifts, it is really easy to see Christ and His workmanship in them. When I look at my daughter riding a horse smiling, I see Jesus. When I watch her press in on the soccer field, I see Jesus. When I hear her pray or rock a baby to sleep, I see Jesus. When I stand back as she whispers in a horses ear all the things on her heart, I see Jesus. When she gets excited about a plant growing or an animal that curls up in her lap, I see Jesus. I am so glad that I finally,"GOT OVER IT."Really deep inside, this little girl is my hero. She exudes confidence and grace and I pray that one day, I can be like her.

I Have a Confession!

I am pretty much an open book most of the time. The good, the bad, and the ugly of me is usually out there for all to see. We are all a mess so why not just admit it and move on. I have a confession though. A lot of the times, I choose "busy". In the midst of my hectic days, I choose "busy" over simple and fun. I confess that on Sunday morning, my baby girl (who is beginning to make me sad because she is no longer a baby) asked me to snuggle with her and I told her I had too much to do before we left. Could I have snuggled with her for 5 minutes and breathed in that moment? YES. Could the laundry I was folding have waited? YES. Could I have had a heart moment with her while we snuggled closely? YES. Once we got in the car, I was convicted that I did not make the best choice. I chose "busy". See, I love "busy". I love when I have had a full day of organizing, cleaning, decorating, rearranging, crafting, painting, and so on. I feel energized when I do those things because I see the beginning and the end. Sitting down and playing a game, laying on the couch and reading a book, relaxing on the patio and talking about life, coloring endless pages of Thomas the Train, racing cars down the driveway, taking long and slow walks, and so on are hard for me. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE those things too but they usually come second to "busy". There are times when I want to slap myself for not thinking before I let the most important things come second to the least. Training and discipling children is hard. It is stressful, tiring, confusing, and takes all you have. There are nights when you cry wondering if you are doing it all right. Then there are times when you overhear them say something to a friend that you have been saying to them for 10 years. Your heart leaps with joy that they are actually understanding the words coming out of your mouth. I am very sure there will come a time when all those years of sacrifice, tears, and prayer circle around to an amazing arrow that you are about to shoot from your home into this world for Christ. Until then, "busy" has to come second to the snuggles, the coloring, the stories and the fun. I have to confess that this is something that my Savior has to change in me. I have to pray that in those moments I choose the RIGHT thing and not the "busy" thing. There are times when those thing have to be done, YES, but most of the time, NOT! Confession is good....thanks for being an ear!!

My Heart!!

It seems like I have no time to write these days and that makes me sad. I write more for me than I do for those reading. I share things that touched me more for me to remember than for any other reason. Writing soothes me and let's me "get it all out". I am by no means an impressive writer or always grammatically correct but I just love to share my heart. Lately, I have struggled. I laugh at my husband when he says,"Let's just think about one thing at a time. Let's tackle one project at a time." Any woman reading this will understand why those are two of the funniest sentences. ME?? Think about one thing at a time? That's is beyond understanding to me. I wish there was a button that says: THINK ABOUT ONLY ONE THING TODAY! I would literally press it 50 times a day. So many times, I am tired at the end of the day not because it was a long day with the kiddos (well, that's part of it if I'm honest), but because my brain is always on overdrive. It would be impossible to explain to my husband all the things I think about because I am not sure he could keep up with it all. Maybe some of you reading will see what I mean.

EVERYDAY: I think about the list of about 100 things that need to done in our house to get it to the point of feeling like our home. As I think of those things and try to maybe tackle one I think about the treehouse that we need to build in the backyard because that was what we promised the kids and we are running out of time. Then, I think about the trees that need to come down, the dirt that needs moved, and the grass seed that needs to be put out before that can even happen. During those thoughts I think about that I want to cook better meals, make better lunches, stop drinking soda, stop eating french fries
(that is most likely never going to happen so I really should stop thinking about it..lol), exercise, plant a garden, organize our homeschool stuff to start this new year, see more of the world, read to the kids more during the day, take more "field trips", spend more time in the Word, pray more often or really all day, make my own laundry detergent again, organize my family's photos so they don't get lost through the years, spend more time with friends, start a ladies get-to-together, paint all the furniture down in our storage room, create an environment of learning and laughter, hang all of our family pictures all over the house, make more time for water gun fights and nature walks, and pressure wash the carport. That list could keep going but that's just things I want to do. What about all the things I desire to be and become. In the middle of the other thoughts I think about that I want to make my home peaceful starting with me, be a mom that leaves a legacy of Godly wisdom and worshipful living, a wife whose husband rises and calls her blessed(Prov.31), a woman who truly fears the Lord, a friend who puts the needs of my friends above my own, a daughter who cherishes moments with my mom as we grow older together, a sister who loves unconditionally, a Christian who strives to see others know Christ and worship them with their lives, a teacher who inspires instead of instructs. Once again, that list could go on forever as well. These are my thoughts in about an hour out of the day. There is so much I want to do, be, become, teach, live, and cherish in this life. So, why am I so tired at the end of the day?? Thoughts that overtake me most days and many that I have to lay aside in order to think about the most important things. I have come to realize that at the end of the day, if my children have learned, grown, played, explored, prayed, seen Christ, and have fallen asleep feeling loved........all the other things are secondary! I can't change the way my mind goes all day long but I can change how those thoughts affect me. So, my struggle is determining where many of these thoughts go in the file folder of my brain and then prioritizing accordingly. It is a struggle, a daily struggle but I am finding my way through it all and what parts are truly my heart. Until I figure it all out, I am going to pray that for one day, maybe just one day, I can have that button I talked about earlier. How much more peaceful of day that would be...;)

God's Economy

"NEVER WILL I REMODEL A HOUSE AGAIN!!!" Those are words I say at least 10 times a day as we live under craziness all around. We thought it would be an adventure and have tried to stay positive through the whole process. We were blown away when we knew we could remodel this house and blessed to be able to do it. The truth: Every project has taken longer, needed more materials, costed more, and made us loonier than we ever planned. The biggest problem is ME. I have great vision. I can look at a room and see it completely different within minutes. I can see what it will look like with walls out and what colors will look best. The reason this can be a problem is that I see it but have no concept of it actually being able to work.

I met a missionary family at our homeschool co op and they are just the sweetest. He said to me one day after I told them we were buying a "fixer upper", "I have built the houses we have lived in. That is what I do. If you need any help, just let me know." I am sure he eats those words now......LOL!!! We have had several men come and help us with so much and we are eternally grateful. This man has worked days in a row and done really hard jobs like drywalling Katelyn's room that was completely uneven everywhere and the loft. He has put a header into our kitchen so that I could have that open kitchen I envisioned. He is making cabinet doors and drawer fronts, created columns, ran wires, framed walls, moved beams, and on and on. We told him the crazy appreciation we have for him and that we could never repay all that he has done. His words were,"There is the economy here and then there is God's economy. This is God economy stuff. People have done things for me and I do the same." Josh and I were and are still blown away by those words. How often do we do things for others because we love Jesus and not for what reward can come? How often do we sacrifice time and energy helping people that have no one else to lean on? How often do we see needs and make every effort to meet them? I am convicted by those questions. I will tell you this: I have seen Jesus in an incredible way in this man. I have seen Jesus in the way that others have stepped in to fill the void that we have.

I want to see life through that lens, through a God economy lens. I want to have a "to live is Christ" attitude like this amazing man!!! I want to stop being so busy, tired, selfish, and comfortable so that I can be the hands and feet of Jesus!!!! There really is no greater life than a God Economy life!!!!

I Will Pray For Him!

Many people that have been around Samuel know that he is our "Spirited" little man. The term,"all boy" does not begin to describe him. There are moments when people talk to him that I fear what will come out of his mouth. There have been times when I have said the same thing over and over all day to this curious but oddly cautious little boy. I find myself apologizing to people for something he has said or done but I think I do it too much. There are times when he goes overboard....ok, most of the time!! I have to apologize in those moments but I have decided that instead of fearing who this little boy is, which is really just fearing the opinion of others, I am going to pray.

When I am confused because he turns everything into a gun or sword and is attacking invisible things all day, I will pray. I will pray that he will someday turn that into becoming the protector of his family and maybe even a protector of his town or country.

When I get a headache by how loud he is almost every second of the day, I will pray. I will pray that Samuel will use that loudness to proclaim to the nations who God is, that he will be a voice for the voiceless, and that he will preach all of his days those things that seem foolish to this world.

When I have to tell him to sit over and over again, I will pray. I will pray that all of that energy will be used to further the kingdom of God and that he will never sit until he has done all he can for Christ.

When people stare or comment at how I could possibly handle this ball of passion, I will pray. I will pray that all that passion will be for the ONE thing that makes this life worth living. I will pray that he will be a passionate follower of Christ, friend, husband, and father.

When he wears me out by wanting to be right beside me ALL DAY, I will pray. I will pray that he will always be full of love for his family and this world. I will pray that he always feels close to us even if he is far away.

When he screams and kicks at every battle for obedience, I will pray. I will pray that his strong will and determination will be focused on what he can do for His Savior one day and not on the opinion of those around him.

I will pray that as I raise this man, he will be more like Jesus. For now, he is not yet a man and he will continue to act like a little boy. It is my job to disciple, train, discipline, and love him as he grows. When he is being a little boy, I will not apologize. I will pray that all the things that make up this little boy of mine will one day be used for the Kingdom in greater ways than I could ever imagine. For now, I will cherish the boyhood and the moments not many people see when he snuggles, wraps his arms around my neck and tells me how beautiful I am. He is my sweetie and my miracle. God has so much for him!!!

Seeing Him In Them

As for me and many other people, Father's Day is not the most joyous occasion. For some it is because of a father that didn't exactly follow the Lord's leading when being a father. For others it is because their father has passed and it is painful to not wish him Happy Father's Day. I was thinking last week about this day of celebration that was coming. I immediately cried and wished I could just speak to him and hug him. I wished he could see how wonderful Katelyn is growing up and how big and crazy Samuel is now. Then, it dawned on me. There are so many ways that I see my dad in my children. It is almost like he left his mark on them or that God allowed me to have those glimpses of him on those really hard days. I see my dad in Katelyn by the way she works. She loves to get dirty and work hard outside. She likes tools and wants to know how to use them. She could spend all day out in his building just staring at all the tools, gadgets, and nascar memoribila. She loves knives and now has his whole collection. She loves to fish and get in the lake. There are even sometimes, when she is quiet, I swear I see his face.

Samuel loves to talk silly and make people laugh. It is like when my dad used to call me and pretend he was someone else and could not figure out how I knew it was him (he never understood that his number popped up when he called). He writes with his right hand but seems to bat, kick, swing and throw like a lefty, JUST LIKE MY DAD!! He sleeps like a rock and loves sweets! He loves to laugh and there are times as he laughs, I see my dad's crooked smile. They may never understand why pawpaw had to go so soon but they will always have him in them. So, as I wished my hubby a Happy Father's Day and see the amazing father he is, I have peace that God gives me those moments where I see my dad again. Happy Father's Day dad....see ya soon!!

Weary

I have to be honest: I am weary. It is that kind of weary that is down in your bones. Weary spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally. I am at a point of hitting a wall every day. It is becoming frustrating because I hate feeling this way and I have way to much to do to be in this place. Days like these make me long for heaven and the beauty that will engulf me there. I know that Satan wants nothing more than to destroy me. He is more than ready to pounce on me, my family, and my home. Today, I was kinda angry. Angry that my emotions and circumstances can so overtake me on low days. Angry that my dad isn't here. Angry that things and relationships change. Angry that I can't be stronger. Angry that I let Satan win somedays.

As I have gone through the day, I have tried to offer up a quick, emotionless prayer hoping that God would just break through. I want Him to pick me up and take me to the mountaintop. I am SO DONE in this valley!! Then, the Holy Spirit quietly and peacefully assured me to remember Job. At the very beginning of Job, we see God and Satan wrestling with their words. We see Satan assuring God that the only reason Job serves Him is because everything has gone great for him. Satan wants to just give Job some difficulties to prove that in the midst of trouble, he would not stay faithful to God. As I thought about Job, one word came to mind: Sovereign. Satan could do nothing to Job without it going through the grace filled filter of God. God still made the rules. God still said what could happen and what could not. As I go through a weary season and I am not sure how long it will last or how hard it will get, I have to trust that God is Sovereign. Anything that comes my way has passed through His hands first. Whether I need to grow or change, He is my potter and I the clay. Molding is painful and can take awhile but I am still in His hands through the whole process. Thanks for letting me be honest and real today. I pray that you who are in the midst of weary days will be encouraged by the picture of God's sovereign grace that we see in Job.

A Jesus Wedding

Josh and I bought the house we did for many reasons but one of our top reasons was for ministry. We wanted to have a floor plan and setup that allowed us to minister to people in our home and have a home that was comfortable for any guests. Since we have moved, we have been renovating and I have felt like it is not ready for guests yet. Well, Josh decided that he'd invite a couple over for premarital counseling. I was worried about not having a dining room table yet and really not even being able to use the main floor. To my surprise, they didn't care and it worked out fine. As I sat with Josh and this couple in our basement, I realized that our home was already being used for ministry. The funny thing is that it was a ministry to me by this sweet couple.

Jason and Vanessa have been together for 6 years and she finally said YES!!! Jason has been down a road of drugs and jail. Vanessa is the sweetest lady who Josh met through work. They began coming to Gospel Life as soon as it started but there was about a month that we didn't see them. Josh got a letter in the mail from Jason and he was in jail. We had no idea but the letter was unbelievable. Jason, who we had only met a few times had been radically saved by Jesus while away. His letter was explaining where he had been and where he was at that time. Josh could not wait to see him again and hear the full story of redemption and repentance that had taken place in his life. Well, here they were sitting in our basement and we were talking about planning their wedding. Jason, now 80 pounds lighter and full of Jesus glowed along with his soon to be wife as they sat on our couch and discussed their pasts. As I sat and listened, I was in awe of what they wanted their wedding to be about. They could care less about a unity candle and bridesmaids or an aisle runner or suit and ties. Jason just kept saying all he wanted was for it to be about Jesus. That simple! Every time we'd talk about a detail they may want, he always brought it back to Jesus. I listened to this newly redeemed man and I was blown away by his courage and passion. We talked about marriage and the covenant that it is. Jason and Vanessa may never understand how they ministered to me. I have been saved much longer and life can sometimes get in the way of passion and courage. Seeing it alive and pouring from them encouraged me.

The coolest part is that Jason and Vanessa want to be married during our church service. WOW!!! Do you know why?? Because they want it to be worshipful and all about Jesus!! They want family and friends who would maybe not come to church hear the gospel because they will come if it is their wedding. So, tomorrow, Jason and Vanessa will be married but I have a feeling that everyone there will not just see Jason and Vanessa up there, but Jesus!! They have made it very clear that Jesus will be glorified and lifted high by all of the worship songs and words that will be sung and said tomorrow. I am praying that Jason sees many friends that remember him before he got a new heart. I am praying that they will see Jesus in his eyes and want that for themselves. I am blown away that this wedding is taking place in our church and it will be a morning of worshipping and praising Jesus for what He has done in this couples life. They will have their two kids right next to them and I can't wait to see them become a family! As the service ends, the Gospel Life family will get to lay hands on this sweet couple and pray for them and their new marriage. Tomorrow, GLC will have a Jesus wedding and I am so thankful to be a part of this!!!!

UPDATE: Introducing Jason and Vanessa!!!!

My Glimpse of Maturity

This past week we lost a sweet little family member. Buttercup, Katelyn's guinea pig, became very sick. We weren't sure whether to keep watching him each day and maybe he would get better or take him to the vet. See, animals stress me out. I LOVE them. I think they are precious and so sweet but I am not a fan of taking care of one. I will snuggle with a pet at someone else's house but I get very anxious at the idea of being responsible for one. My daughter, on the other hand, LOVES ANIMALS and all that comes with it. She can't handle people puke but she will clean up an animals! She has this crazy way about her that animals love her and will do just about anything for her. It really is a gift that God has blessed her with. With all that said, my sweet girl and been through a lot of loss in her short 9 years. She has lost 3 dogs, a fish, a hermit crab, an aunt, 2 great grandma's, a great grandfather, 3 siblings, an amazing grandfather(my dad), and now Buttercup. She has seen and felt the pain of great loss for a kid. I have held her and listened to her as she has tried to make sense of it all. She has held me as I have broken down with the weight that loss brings. I have no doubt that God has allowed her to go through it all for something great that He is going to do in her life. I have no doubt that she will rock this world to the core for Jesus' name. But I can't help but weep at the thought of all she feels and struggles through to see God in it all.

On Wednesday, we decided to take Buttercup to the vet. The news was not great. They told us about all the tests they could run and that we would still need to administer all kinds of medication and feed him with droppers and monitor him. The day before we took him I was thinking," We are talking about a guinea pig. They don't live long anyway and people eat them in other countries. This is crazy to take him to a vet and pay all this money." But as we sat there listening to the vet, I began to cry. I cried because I knew my daughter, with her her heart for animals, would do anything for any kind of animal. I knew she has already been through enough loss and now this. As the vet began to tell me the cost of it all and that it may not even work, my mouth flew open. This was not going to be cheap. I sat quiet for a second and my sweet. sweet girl  put her hand on my arm and said," Mom, I don't want you to pay this money. Just let him go. He is struggling and it is not fair for him to go through that. Now, can I go to the car?" Then, she began to cry and walked out of the room. I was in awe. My little girl had seen a lot of this and had learned to let go when that was the best thing to do. I looked at the vet and she looked as shocked as me. I dried up my tears, called Josh for final answers and made the decision to put Buttercup to sleep. I picked up Samuel, headed to the car and just held her as she wept. We went home and she rode her bike for an hour not wanting to really talk at all. She cried some more that night and we just kept hugging her and telling her we loved her. That was not a good day but that is the first time she has thought not only of herself but the well-being of everyone and everything around her. I saw this glimpse of maturity rise up within her to make a hard decision. I was sad for her in that moment but SO PROUD of the maturity that took place. It didn't mean she wasn't still going to be sad but it meant that through all the loss she has been through, she was beginning to learn that letting go is ok. She is beginning to see that this life is so short and that our HOME that awaits us is forever and glorious. Wednesday was a rough day but also a day that I saw who my little girl will be and what God is stirring within her. My glimpse of maturity was in the eyes and words of the little girl God blessed me with. Maybe one day, I'll be like her when I grow up...:)

The "Thigh Gap"

Every now and then, Josh will get up and make breakfast and bring me coffee in bed. These are the mornings I can catch a little bit of Good Morning America since half the time I have no idea what is going on in the world. I can tell you why Curious George is riding an Elephant or how to create a Constellation Planetarium but everyday news slips by me. This morning was a breakfast and coffee in bed kind of morning. As I got in a little news from Good Morning America, I was stunned by something going on in teenage girl world. It is something called " The Thigh Gap." I had no clue this existed and just how widespread and well known it is among teenage girls. Popularity actually depends on it and it is something very highly sought after by thousands of sweet teenage girls. "Thigh Gap" is when there is space between your thighs and the bigger that gap, the better. This means the skinnier and more skeleton like your thighs look, the better! I was in awe of the pictures they were showing of girls taking pictures of their thighs and posting them to twitter, facebook, and tumblr. Some of the pictures had captions like, " I'm almost there, my gap is getting bigger," and " I will never have the awesome gap so and so does." ARE YOU SERIOUS??? Is that really what our teenage girls are striving for? What happened to confidence in how God made them or being healthy so that you can carry children one day? I was stunned by the young girls being interviewed and how they felt about the "craze" among their peers. They said this "thigh gap" is what makes you popular in many circles, just like long hair and perfect skin. I was floored that teenage girls are out there posting these pictures and working so hard to have this "gap" and there is no mention of excellence in intelligence or beauty in the heart that God gave them. I am also saddened that our society, as a whole, has created this need in young girls to look like they haven't eaten in a year. They make this "thigh gap" seem like it is the way to be beautiful and feel confident. Good Morning America showed picture after picture off of teenage girls accounts that were just of their thighs. One right after the other. Parents, we have to teach our girls the beauty that really lies within. Every beautiful woman in The Bible was described as having a fear of the Lord (Proverbs 31:30) and if they did have outward beauty, it was not what made them who they were. They had hearts that followed God (Esther and Ruth). They fell at Jesus's feet (Mary) and clung to his every word (The Woman at the Well). As I raise a nine year old little girl, soon to be teenager, I pray constantly that she will never see the outside beauty she has and desire to let it make her who she is but that her heart would be seen first. I pray that she sees her beauty as a reflection of Jesus in her and that what she does with Christ is what makes her who she is. I pray that I will ALWAYS speak to the heart of all she does and not what her outside reveals. My heart breaks that girls are buying into the lie from Satan that they have to look a certain way to be worth something. Girls: Jesus died for our hearts not our thighs. He created you exactly the way you are and you are a reflection of Him. Let Him have your heart and your body and see where He leads you. Beauty is when you fear the Lord and follow Him closely. Jesus, help us as parents to teach our girls what Your Word says beauty is. Help us to model that beauty as moms, day in and day out. Help us to create an environment in our homes that is Jesus uplifted instead of self. Help ME to see myself as beautiful so that my daughter will see it in her.

Community

I was talking to someone today and they said something that I hear all the time: " I just want some Christian community." I cannot tell you how much I have heard this in the last few years and a lot more in the last few months. Many times that also comes with the comment," Going to church on Sunday is fine but why is there not times outside the "church" building for me to just live life with other believers? No studies, no gimmicks, and no games, just times where we really become friends and have cherished moments of confession and realness." My first thought is usually because everyone is too busy but is it really that? Are we really so busy that we don't have time to really live life with friends that are going to be our constant encouragement? I am not sure that being busy is really the answer at all. Deep down, I see it in me. I cherish time alone. I love having moments where no one needs me and I can sit and relax. It may be because I am with a nine and three year old all day, everyday. I am sure that is part of it but there will always be a desire in me for intimacy. God created me with that. I want intimacy with Christ, my husband, and my children first and then intimacy with friends comes next. I think we really do need to do life with others. We need to confess and cry. We need to have moments of pure joy and times of sorrow. We need to be silly and talk about deep, serious issues. More than anything, investing in others is God's calling for every believer. As my hubby says, " There are two things that will last forever: God and people." Anything else I invest in will fade away when I meet Jesus. I love when I can sit with a group of people and just be me. Even more, I love when people can sit with me and be them!!! There is such a freedom that comes with having that kind of friendship. You know the kind when no matter what is said or not said, there is always love. Community with each other goes beyond the, "Hey, how are you?" It is an intimacy that resembles Christ. It gets real and dirty and you miss it when you are away! I guess more than anything, Christian community starts and ends with the gospel. I cannot have that kind of relationship outside of having my first love be Christ. So as I get responses like that, I see more and more that people crave community. It is how we are "wired". It is what binds us together to fulfill all that we are called to be and do. I am very thankful for the "community" in my life and the way Jesus uses it to change, challenge, encourage, and love me.

Remembering!!!

This past Saturday marked 2 years of my dad being in heaven. I really thought 2 years ago that on this day I would forget what it felt like. I thought I would forget the pain and sorrow I felt. I thought I would forget the way it changed my life and my kid's lives. Saturday did not feel anything like that. I still remembered exactly the pain and sorrow that day brought. I remembered how we walked out of the hospital after weeks of being there morning to night never to return again. I remembered how Katelyn cried for weeks because of the intense love she had for her pawpaw. I remembered thinking that we would never be the same after that day. I also remembered thanking Jesus for carrying us through and helping us see Him in it all. I would never wish something like this on anyone but God remained faithful through every hour.

I miss my dad more and more. I miss the way he laughed and his patience. I miss the way he could calm even the craziest of moments. I miss how he sat, walked, cooked, snored, played and worked. I miss his hugs and smiles and even his grumpiness at times! There is not a day that goes by that I don't have a thought of him or that something reminds me of him. Many people go through life and never have a dad like mine. I am beyond thankful for the dad God blessed me with and the way he loved my mom, brother, and me. I will never understand why he had to go so early but I will always know that I am blessed for all the years I had with him. He saw me grow physically and spiritually. He saw every basketball and softball game. He saw me graduate and go off to college. He gave me away and danced with me on my wedding day. He saw me graduate college and have two sweet babies. He was there for so much and for that, I AM THANKFUL! I love you dad and will always remember every detail of my life with you in it. You were an amazing father and husband!!! See ya soon!!!

Little By Little

In August of 1998, I left for college. I was so excited and could not wait for the journey ahead of me. Liberty University would become my home and I knew God would rock my world. Upon entering into my freshman year, I had a few things I was not going to do. The first one was to not have a serious relationship the first year. I wanted to make sure that I had amazing friendships with the girls God would put in my life and did not want to enter into anything else. The second thing was to work a lot harder than I did in High School. My freshman year was pretty easy, so there was a lot of nap taking and pizza parties with the roomies. The third thing was I, IN NO WAY, would date or marry a guy going into the ministry. I know, God has a sense of humor huh?? My reasons for this were that pastors were away from their families a lot, they and their family live in a glass bowl for everyone to view into at any moment, and they did not make a lot of money. The last one was pretty bad, I know, but I was determined to live a life where money was not a worry and we could do all the things we wanted. So, there you go, I had my standards. Well, my junior year came and who does God put into my life but a YOUTH PASTOR. In my eyes they were the guys that worked the hardest and got paid the least (I will not say whether or not I still agree with that statement :). I am sure God chuckled when he led Josh to me and we married. God changed my heart drastically within the first month we dated. I kept saying," I cannot be a pastor's wife, I do not have it in me." God kept saying, "You are right but I will stretch you and mold you into the kind of pastor's wife I want you to be. You will not look like the others you have seen but I have something much different for you." After hearing God say those things to me so clearly, I entered into my marriage easily and peacefully ( THANK GOD!!!).

I read a verse, Proverbs 13:11, " Wealth gained hastily will dwindle, but whoever gathers little by little will increase it." This verse means a lot to me when it comes to the life in ministry. In college, I wanted to feel secure with plenty of money for my future, but that was not God's plan at all. I began to realize that the second part of this verse is so true. Josh and I gather little by little in this calling God has for us. I can tell you countless times that God has blessed our socks off more than we could have ever imagined. I never realized that yes, a ministry "paycheck" may not be what most people would want but the blessings that come from the people who God puts in our lives are immeasurable. Just this week I have been blown away by the heart of people that give. I have been blown away by the goodness of God that comes from His people. I have been humbled to the point of feeling so unworthy of the grace that God showers down on us. I have been reminded of those thoughts I had in college and how I am beyond thankful for this life as we go little by little. God has reached down and held me through so much and I will never be the same!!! My heart overflows with thankfulness and awe!!!

Clutter-Free....sorda

I was recently asked how I keep my house so clean with my kids home all day......I literally chuckled under my breath. CLEAN? More like the appearance of clean. Yes, if you walk in my house right before a house showing and the kids are already in the car, my house is clean. If you walk in my house 2 minutes after our return when the showing is over, IT IS NOT CLEAN. Toys start getting pulled back out, snacks start making crumbs again, and dirty clothes starting piling up. To be honest, I do not like clutter. If things, papers, or toys start piling up in a certain area, I can handle it for awhile but then I have to get it put away for my sanity. I have mastered the art of stuffing in drawers and have bought many plastic bins for easy cleaning.....and hiding:).

So, that is how answered the question. I have about 4 junk drawers in our home. One is in the kitchen and 3 are in our roll top desk. These drawers house anything from a garden shovel to a toy helicopter or from a dart gun to a hammer. I love these drawers because when I start seeing things all over, I just stick it all in there and it is out of my sight. Then, when those drawers get full, I clean them out once a month and start all over with the stuffing. So, is that considered clean? Not really, but it does help me feel like it is. I can't do it all. I can't have a incredible, spotless, and most-organized house and really concentrate on what's most important: my kids. I can't cook every meal from scratch everyday, three times a day and read fun books with Samuel while it rains outside. These sneaky tricks I have only help me to feel clean but give me tons of time to do the things that matter most like making a volcano with Katelyn. I honestly can't tell you the last time I mopped my kitchen floor or cleaned out the freezer. I can tell you how great the MLK documentary was that Katelyn and I watched and how many questions she had. I can't tell you the last time I even looked under Katelyn's bed (there could possibly be all kinds of things under there) but I can tell you that Samuel's favorite thing to do with me is paint pictures. I can't tell you the last time I dusted our blinds (I may never have...lol) but I can tell you how much Katelyn lights up when she is on a horse and the excitement it brings to watch her ride.

So, is my house really clean? Yes and No. Most of the time, NO. Yes, if I have recently stuffed all the clutter away. I don't know what happened when I got into my thirties but it seems I have gotten to a place of seeing importance in things. I don't feel bad anymore if someone stops by and our house looks "normal." I know that I will never get back these years with my sweet little ones and I have to pick and choose what gets clean each day. So, if you ever come to my house, open a few drawers and you will see where it all goes......just don't look under Katelyn's bed!! Keepin' it real!!!

Junk drawer in kitchen....I can't even tell you what's all in it!!

Our kitchen this morning: Basketball shoes and Josh's computer bag still is still in the floor from last night. Samuel wanted to clean the dishes for me, which means water is spraying all over the place and he is soaked. Cinnamon rolls are still sitting on a dirty stove top. A hair-bow of mine sitting on kitchen countertop(my nanny and mom would hate that something that goes in your hair is near food...AHHHH). School books all over kitchen table which is an everyday occurrence. I couldn't get the laundry room in the picture but there is laundry falling out of the dryer that I didn't fold last night. It will stay this way until this afternoon and we've had all of our fun..:).

A Nine Year Old Understanding

I have wondered how to feel, think, write, and talk about Newtown. I didn't want to take away from anything that was going on and I also wasn't quite sure what to say. Josh and I had no problem letting Katelyn know what was going on at the very beginning. As the story went on, we never told her really anything else. She saw the pictures of the kids and teachers and we prayed for their families daily. When Katelyn and I got to actually discuss it, I was surprised by her first thought. I guess the thoughts of children are so different and really show us a heart that has not been tainted by this world. When I asked how she felt, she said," I wonder what happened to that man to make him want to do something like that." I just looked at her. Her first thought was not anger, rage, or even sadness. Her first thought was compassion for someone who was considered the "evil" in this event. She wanted to know about him and questioned that maybe things in his past that were done to him made him feel he had to do this. I was floored. In an instant, I saw Jesus. I saw Jesus in her wanting to understand the evil in our world and make it better. I saw Jesus in her compassion for his family too. I saw Jesus by the way she felt sad for him that he must have wandered in life to make a choice like this. As we talked, I wanted to see it her way. I wanted to not be angry but be full of compassion and grace in the face of unspeakable evil.

Later that night, she wept with her dad thinking of these children and their families. She cried tears of compassion and true sadness for children she will never meet and families she may never see. She never questioned God and His authority. She never questioned whether God was present there or not. As a nine year old, her faith is not based on circumstances but on truth. I envied her in these moments. I longed to have the faith of a child during this. I saw how she was comforted but the scripture her dad gave her. Lately, I have tried to see things through my children's eyes. I have especially wanted to see Jesus the way they do. I want to have that faith that is simple and steady. There are days when I want to see God and everything about Him through the unbiased and faithful eyes of a nine year old.