There is always a worry on top of all the other worries that I have to silence each day. I am sure every parent in the world will understand it. I worry that the gospel will not become real to my children. I worry that it will get old and boring to them. I worry that all that we have been teaching them and will teach will not make it to their hearts and then what do we do? For some reason, I have been feeling this a little more intensely the last few weeks. I even talked with Josh about if I thought Katelyn was really "getting" the gospel and what it means to her. I have been praying more and spending more time in scripture because of this anxious feeling. I have prayed that God would reveal himself to her in a real way. I prayed that He would show her His goodness and grace so that she can see the gospel playing out in her everyday life. Well, last night our family made a trip to Academy Sports for an awesome shoe sale they were having. As we all pilfered (more like ransacked) through the shoes, everyone found a pair they liked besides Josh. I kept trying to talk Samuel out of the pair he liked because they did not have shoe laces and would flip on his feet. They were also substantially more costly than the others. We finally told him that he would have to get the cheaper of the shoes or get none at all. Of course telling this to four year old usually comes with many tears and much drama. As we continued to walk around I could tell that something was going on in Katelyn's cute head. Finally, she walked with her dad back to the shoe aisle and put back her super cool high tops and picked back up the original shoes Samuel had wanted. I asked her what she was doing and she just said," Mom, I want him to have his shoes. I will put mine back if that helps him be able to get them." I wasn't sure what to say and the mom in me wanted to just get her the shoes because I was so proud of her. Josh, on the other hand, pulled me away and told me to let her do this. He insisted that this would help her learn sacrifice and giving. It was SO HARD for me to walk out of that store and her not get the shoes she had picked out. I told her how proud I was of her and that she really showed love and grace to her brother. That was that. She was disappointed but was fine by the time we got home.
This morning as Samuel was putting his new shoes on to run around in them because he said they look so cool, he realize that they flipped (LIKE I SAID). He took them off and said he did not want them anymore and could he just get the other ones we had picked out. Katelyn just looked at me and I said,
"Sure. Katelyn that means that you can get the shoes you picked out because of the price difference." A little while passed. She came to me and said that she felt like God was teaching her patience this week. She began to explain to me that when she put her shoes back it was not because she wanted to please her dad and I. It was because if Jesus could lay down His life for her, she could sacrifice shoes for Samuel. I got very excited and explained to her that at that point she was letting the gospel change her and it made a difference in her everyday life. We talked for awhile about God's goodness and even if we get nothing in return for obedience that we still PRAISE HIM. Even if we seem to not catch a break, we PRAISE HIM. Even if we loose it all, WE PRAISE HIM!! Even is we sacrifice something we love for someone else, WE PRAISE HIM!! I wanted to cry, jump for joy, and squeeze her and say,
"THIS IS WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT. This is what we pray that you and Samuel understand." I love days like these when the gospel becomes real to one of my children. It creates a humbleness in me that is hard to explain. We must never stop praying for our children. We must never assume they aren't listening. Even on the really hard weeks or days, they hear us and they see us. Even when they come back with a snide remark or a face of disgust, GOD CAN REDEEM THEIR HEARTS. Press on parents and pour truth and the gospel into your children. I am so blessed that we got to spend the morning praising Jesus for His goodness to us when we do not deserve it and His grace that falls on us daily. I am so blessed that this sweet girl is mine for a short time and that her heart belongs to Jesus. I am so thankful that as I fail many days as a mom, that God also redeems those moments. Nothing I do can lead my children to Jesus more than Jesus himself. HALLELUJAH!!
