Monday, August 12, 2013
I Have a Confession!
I am pretty much an open book most of the time. The good, the bad, and the ugly of me is usually out there for all to see. We are all a mess so why not just admit it and move on. I have a confession though. A lot of the times, I choose "busy". In the midst of my hectic days, I choose "busy" over simple and fun. I confess that on Sunday morning, my baby girl (who is beginning to make me sad because she is no longer a baby) asked me to snuggle with her and I told her I had too much to do before we left. Could I have snuggled with her for 5 minutes and breathed in that moment? YES. Could the laundry I was folding have waited? YES. Could I have had a heart moment with her while we snuggled closely? YES. Once we got in the car, I was convicted that I did not make the best choice. I chose "busy". See, I love "busy". I love when I have had a full day of organizing, cleaning, decorating, rearranging, crafting, painting, and so on. I feel energized when I do those things because I see the beginning and the end. Sitting down and playing a game, laying on the couch and reading a book, relaxing on the patio and talking about life, coloring endless pages of Thomas the Train, racing cars down the driveway, taking long and slow walks, and so on are hard for me. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE those things too but they usually come second to "busy". There are times when I want to slap myself for not thinking before I let the most important things come second to the least. Training and discipling children is hard. It is stressful, tiring, confusing, and takes all you have. There are nights when you cry wondering if you are doing it all right. Then there are times when you overhear them say something to a friend that you have been saying to them for 10 years. Your heart leaps with joy that they are actually understanding the words coming out of your mouth. I am very sure there will come a time when all those years of sacrifice, tears, and prayer circle around to an amazing arrow that you are about to shoot from your home into this world for Christ. Until then, "busy" has to come second to the snuggles, the coloring, the stories and the fun. I have to confess that this is something that my Savior has to change in me. I have to pray that in those moments I choose the RIGHT thing and not the "busy" thing. There are times when those thing have to be done, YES, but most of the time, NOT! Confession is good....thanks for being an ear!!
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
My Heart!!
It seems like I have no time to write these days and that makes me sad. I write more for me than I do for those reading. I share things that touched me more for me to remember than for any other reason. Writing soothes me and let's me "get it all out". I am by no means an impressive writer or always grammatically correct but I just love to share my heart. Lately, I have struggled. I laugh at my husband when he says,"Let's just think about one thing at a time. Let's tackle one project at a time." Any woman reading this will understand why those are two of the funniest sentences. ME?? Think about one thing at a time? That's is beyond understanding to me. I wish there was a button that says: THINK ABOUT ONLY ONE THING TODAY! I would literally press it 50 times a day. So many times, I am tired at the end of the day not because it was a long day with the kiddos (well, that's part of it if I'm honest), but because my brain is always on overdrive. It would be impossible to explain to my husband all the things I think about because I am not sure he could keep up with it all. Maybe some of you reading will see what I mean.
EVERYDAY: I think about the list of about 100 things that need to done in our house to get it to the point of feeling like our home. As I think of those things and try to maybe tackle one I think about the treehouse that we need to build in the backyard because that was what we promised the kids and we are running out of time. Then, I think about the trees that need to come down, the dirt that needs moved, and the grass seed that needs to be put out before that can even happen. During those thoughts I think about that I want to cook better meals, make better lunches, stop drinking soda, stop eating french fries
(that is most likely never going to happen so I really should stop thinking about it..lol), exercise, plant a garden, organize our homeschool stuff to start this new year, see more of the world, read to the kids more during the day, take more "field trips", spend more time in the Word, pray more often or really all day, make my own laundry detergent again, organize my family's photos so they don't get lost through the years, spend more time with friends, start a ladies get-to-together, paint all the furniture down in our storage room, create an environment of learning and laughter, hang all of our family pictures all over the house, make more time for water gun fights and nature walks, and pressure wash the carport. That list could keep going but that's just things I want to do. What about all the things I desire to be and become. In the middle of the other thoughts I think about that I want to make my home peaceful starting with me, be a mom that leaves a legacy of Godly wisdom and worshipful living, a wife whose husband rises and calls her blessed(Prov.31), a woman who truly fears the Lord, a friend who puts the needs of my friends above my own, a daughter who cherishes moments with my mom as we grow older together, a sister who loves unconditionally, a Christian who strives to see others know Christ and worship them with their lives, a teacher who inspires instead of instructs. Once again, that list could go on forever as well. These are my thoughts in about an hour out of the day. There is so much I want to do, be, become, teach, live, and cherish in this life. So, why am I so tired at the end of the day?? Thoughts that overtake me most days and many that I have to lay aside in order to think about the most important things. I have come to realize that at the end of the day, if my children have learned, grown, played, explored, prayed, seen Christ, and have fallen asleep feeling loved........all the other things are secondary! I can't change the way my mind goes all day long but I can change how those thoughts affect me. So, my struggle is determining where many of these thoughts go in the file folder of my brain and then prioritizing accordingly. It is a struggle, a daily struggle but I am finding my way through it all and what parts are truly my heart. Until I figure it all out, I am going to pray that for one day, maybe just one day, I can have that button I talked about earlier. How much more peaceful of day that would be...;)
EVERYDAY: I think about the list of about 100 things that need to done in our house to get it to the point of feeling like our home. As I think of those things and try to maybe tackle one I think about the treehouse that we need to build in the backyard because that was what we promised the kids and we are running out of time. Then, I think about the trees that need to come down, the dirt that needs moved, and the grass seed that needs to be put out before that can even happen. During those thoughts I think about that I want to cook better meals, make better lunches, stop drinking soda, stop eating french fries
(that is most likely never going to happen so I really should stop thinking about it..lol), exercise, plant a garden, organize our homeschool stuff to start this new year, see more of the world, read to the kids more during the day, take more "field trips", spend more time in the Word, pray more often or really all day, make my own laundry detergent again, organize my family's photos so they don't get lost through the years, spend more time with friends, start a ladies get-to-together, paint all the furniture down in our storage room, create an environment of learning and laughter, hang all of our family pictures all over the house, make more time for water gun fights and nature walks, and pressure wash the carport. That list could keep going but that's just things I want to do. What about all the things I desire to be and become. In the middle of the other thoughts I think about that I want to make my home peaceful starting with me, be a mom that leaves a legacy of Godly wisdom and worshipful living, a wife whose husband rises and calls her blessed(Prov.31), a woman who truly fears the Lord, a friend who puts the needs of my friends above my own, a daughter who cherishes moments with my mom as we grow older together, a sister who loves unconditionally, a Christian who strives to see others know Christ and worship them with their lives, a teacher who inspires instead of instructs. Once again, that list could go on forever as well. These are my thoughts in about an hour out of the day. There is so much I want to do, be, become, teach, live, and cherish in this life. So, why am I so tired at the end of the day?? Thoughts that overtake me most days and many that I have to lay aside in order to think about the most important things. I have come to realize that at the end of the day, if my children have learned, grown, played, explored, prayed, seen Christ, and have fallen asleep feeling loved........all the other things are secondary! I can't change the way my mind goes all day long but I can change how those thoughts affect me. So, my struggle is determining where many of these thoughts go in the file folder of my brain and then prioritizing accordingly. It is a struggle, a daily struggle but I am finding my way through it all and what parts are truly my heart. Until I figure it all out, I am going to pray that for one day, maybe just one day, I can have that button I talked about earlier. How much more peaceful of day that would be...;)
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