Confessions of a Youth Pastor's Wife

Now that I am officially no longer a youth pastor's wife but a church planters wife, I thought I'd share some secrets. I was a youth pastor's wife for 10 years. We had great times, bad times, low times, exciting times, and sad times. That will bring me to my first confession:

#1: The saddest time was leaving teenagers. We were in three churches and each time we had to say goodbye to the teenagers, it was quite excruciating. That was the worst part of leaving and starting a new calling God had for us. Everything within you wants to take every teenager with you to your next adventure. I always had this excitement in me because I knew God had something else for us but the other part of me would be more sad than I can explain. I had many teenagers that I saw amazing potential in and that challenged me more than I did them. Leaving those sweet faces was most definitely the hardest part of youth ministry.

#2: We talked about you. HEHE!!! Really, we did. We would talk about how great a student was doing or how desperate they were for something real in their lives. We talked about how we could make them feel more loved and accepted. We talked about how we couldn't believe how they took the gospel to their schools with no hesitation. We also talked about the select few who drove us nuts and what we could do to see them in a new way:) They were also prayed for more than anyone knows.

#3: LOCK-INS ARE FROM THE DEVIL!! Seriously, who came up with the idea to lock 20-30 teenagers in a gym and feed them nothing but junk food, candy and soda all night long? As if that's not bad enough, adults who get stuck dealing with that madness ALL NIGHT LONG!!!! I hated them and as most of the teenagers who knew me knows: I DIDN'T GO TO THEM UNLESS I HAD TO! I love sleep and I love peace and quiet and lock-ins don't quite fit in that category. Josh and I stopped doing them by our third year in youth ministry...hint, hint to any youth pastors out there....DON'T DO IT!!!

#4: Out of town youth trips were not a vacation. I remember seeing a clip from skit guys about a pastor who asked a youth pastor is he had a good vacation while on a ski trip with the youth group. I laugh hysterically every time I see it because leading a trip with 50 teenagers OUT OF TOWN is NOT a vacation. Do we see God do amazing things? YES!! Do we have a blast getting to know new teenagers?YES!! Did we know that the students learn spiritual truth at many of these things? YES!! On the flip side of that, are we stressed out that you may break your leg skiing down the mountain? YES!! Are we praying that we will get at least 2 hours of sleep the whole weekend? YES!! Do we miss our kids that we left behind? YES!! Are we scared that you'll do something stupid that we'll have to tell your parents about later?YES!! I have great memories on trips with youth and many that I will never forget but man are those things stressful.

#5: We truly love each teenager. There is no doubt that teenagers can drive anyone crazy but we loved each one that crossed our paths. I saw something great in every single one of them and am now seeing God do some amazing things in many of their lives as adults (yes, I'm that old). I have gotten phone calls about how things I have said changed the course of their lives forever. I have also gotten phone calls that have devastated Josh and I and brought us to tears. In all of it, we have loved so many teenagers and seen great works of the Lord in so many. Josh and I have 2 children but I feel like we have hundreds more. They have stretched me, broke me, moved me, challenged me, encouraged me, and loved me and for that I am forever changed.

So, those are my top 5 confessions. There are many more but some may not be very nice and some would incriminate so many...HEHE!! I am blessed to have been a youth pastor's wife even in the hard times. As we are on a new journey, AGAIN, I love looking back at where God has had us. To every teenager that has crossed our paths, WE LOVE YOU, YOU HAVE BEEN COVERED IN PRAYER, and YOU HAVE CHANGED US IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER!! :)

Crazy Times!!!

I think I enjoy making myself go crazy. We started school 2 weeks ago so we are in the books and learning. Now, let all the other things of life happen!!!Katelyn starts soccer games September 8 and 9, Gospel Life launch Sunday is September 9, I have a surgery that will have me out for who knows how long on September 10..... oh, and throw in homeschool co-op, piano lessons, and horse camp. As if that all is not keeping us busy, I decide, " Hey, let's put our house on the market, no big deal." AHHH!!!! What in the world was I thinking? As I sit hear preparing for it all and making sure all my ducks are in row so I can hand over the reigns to someone else while I heal, I can't believe how blessed I am. I look at all the things my children get to experience and be involved in. I look at the way God has called us to plant a church and that we get to be a part of something big like that. I look at the fact that I escaped possible disease because a doctor caught something early enough. I look at our home that has been great for us for the last 6 and half years. I look at a husband who loves me unconditionally and loves our marriage more than himself. I look at it all and the craziness that it all brings and I AM BLESSED!!! In the quiet moments and in the loud moments, I know that God has me right here, for right now, for a purpose. There are days when the chaos takes over and I think that I need some french fries and a coke desperately to make it through...hehe, that is what I crave when all is crazy!!! Then I have moments like today as I plan it all out, God shows me the blessing that it all is and the good that is in it all. I am thankful and overwhelmed that He showed me this today and I wanted to share it with y'all. I know that many of us have seasons like these where we have a lot going on and we can easily see it as stressful but today, let it show you how blessed you are. If there are some things that need to go, let them go. If there are some things that need to stay, give your 100% at those things. I hope that you will be encouraged and uplifted that God can step in at a moment of crazy and give you a different perspective.

My Dad's Heart in My Daughter!

Today was a good day. After Katelyn and I finished school, we needed to stop by our local hardware store. I, of course, love to look at the paint and tools to see what all I could use to make some cool stuff. Not long after we got there, I lost my daughter. I turned around and she wasn't there. As I rounded the corner, I see her looking inside some glass cases with eyes of excitement and wonder. Most girls would get those kind of eyes when looking at some cute shoes or some really pretty jewelry. NOT MY GIRL!!!! She was looking at pocket knives. These weren't just little pocket knives that wouldn't even cut paper. These pocket knives were the real deal. We are talking $100 real deal. As I walked over she looked up at me and said," Mom, do you see these? I could stand here and look at these all day." At that moment, I almost cried. Part of me saw in her all the things that my dad and her loved and talked about together when he was here. She would follow him around the yard and put a dirty rag in her back pocket just like him. He would show her all his knives and she would look at them like they were gold. The other part of me realized that my dad left a piece of his heart in Katelyn. All those times she hung out with him and learned about motors, carving, tools, and even pocket knives are the times that have shaped her into who she is. I watched her take one knife from the clerk and hold it gently and look at it like it was piece of art. She just kept saying, " Pawpaw would love this one." The whole ride to pick up her brother she talked about those knives and even remembered what they were named. She talked about how cool it would be to go to a knife show and see all the really cool ones that people have. She talked about saving her money and going back and getting the one she really liked. She talked about that Pawpaw loved going to those gun and knife shows and that she would be in heaven if she could go to one. I held back tears as I listened to her go on and on. As sad as it makes me that those times with her pawpaw have been cut short, I was given a glimpse by the Lord that my dad's heart is still in Katelyn. He left a piece of himself in her and she will always remember him and the way they were so much alike. I saw my dad today in my daughter's eyes and I heard him in her voice. I saw him looking at pocket knives in wonder and I heard him talking about how much fun those shows are. I felt him next to me pointing out all the pieces of the knife even though it was my daughter's hand holding it. Today was a good day because I realized that my dad's heart will always be with Katelyn and with me.

Holding a New Hand

Gospel Life has been meeting on Sunday nights since about March in our home and in another team members home. We have been blessed with an amazing Core Team to launch Gospel Life. The last few months we have opened up our Sunday nights to guests as well. We've had a few here and there but tonight was a little different. We had a family come that had contacted Josh last weekend about what the church stood for and how he could get his family there. This is a broken family wanting to find life in Jesus alongside other believers which is our heart as Gospel Life. It was so refreshing to meet new people in our community and for them to come in and feel loved and wanted. As we sat and began our time together, I was sitting beside one of the daughters that was part of this family. She was so cute and you could tell she has a sweet little spirit. As we began to pray to start our singing time, she reaches over and takes my hand. At first, I thought she had a question but as I looked over at her she had her head down and eyes closed. I wondered if she just wanted to hold my hand as a gesture. I wondered if that was just something she was used to. As Josh prayed she just held my hand tighter and tighter. I had only known this sweet little girl for maybe an hour and she reaches to take my hand so gently and sweetly.

We were there to bless them. We were there to show the love of Christ. We were there to help them see Jesus in us. This little girl became all those thing to me. She blessed me, she gave me a picture of how Jesus loves me, and she helped me see Jesus. In a very quiet moment, she just wanted to hold my hand. She barely knew me but wanted to be that close to me. I wish I was that vulnerable. I wish I had thought to hold her hand first. I wish I could be that gentle and loving with someone I just met. I had a very short but intimate moment that God has used to show me how he very personally and faithfully holds my hand. Through it all, He reaches over to me and out to me. I pray that I have many more moments like these as we meet people in our community. I pray that I will take the hand of people that just want to know someone is there, next to them. I pray that I can hold many more new hands and we can walk together finding life in Jesus!

When a Boy Wants His Daddy!

WOW!!! What a day with my son!!! My sweet Samuel was not so sweet today. He was not very nice to his friend who visited us today, he refused to nap after countless attempts at discipline on my part, he did a lot of screaming and throwing toys, and he looked at me with those big blue eyes like he could care less what I was saying. Days like these make me want to lose my mind. Experts say,  "Make sure you use your calm voice with your children." Doctors say, " speak to them on their level." Gentle moms say," just love on them and cuddle all day long." SERIOUSLY, I tried all of that today and then it turned into a battle with a three year old. I heard my self saying a lot of "wait until your dad gets home, I should call him right now." Go ahead, act like you have never said that to your children a time or two. I try not to say that but today was way over my ability to mumble those words. I mean really, what was his problem? WELL, daddy opened the door to a crying Samuel sitting in his high chair facing the back door so that all he could see was his daddy when he walked in the door. Of course, his daddy very calmly said, " Why are you sitting in here Samuel? Why have you not been listening to mommy all day?" In a very quiet whisper and sweet voice Samuel said, "cause I wanted you to come home." WHAT????? How does a three year old put all that together? How does he figure out that mommy said she's going to call daddy to come home if I keep acting up so I'll keep acting up because I want to see my daddy that much? I was in shock and could not believe that everything we went through all day was because he really wanted to see his daddy. So, my husband, being the incredible man that he is, says, " I'm going to wake up early and hang out with the kids all morning before I go to work each day."

We have been learning lately that many, if not all, of our kid's "not so great behaviors" has something to do with us. They want out attention, they miss us, they want one on one time with us, they want us to be silly and laugh with them, they react the way they see us react, they imitate our facial expressions when things don't go their way, and so much more! Being a mom is hard work. It is hard to know that your children will have bad days and that you will be the punching bag for that day. As a mom of young children, I encourage each of us: working moms, stay-at-home moms. and single moms to look at our selves, our own behaviors and reactions to make sure we are not teaching this behavior to our children. I also encourage each of you to see your children as little sinners that are in need of a Savior just like us. They are in need of grace and mercy and to feel the love of their Creator within the gentleness of our arms. I am still in awe that all Samuel wanted was his daddy. Maybe Monday I'll tell him that if he listens and has a happy heart, daddy will come home....hehe!!! ( a girl can try)