THE MOM I WANNA BE.......the mom I am.

Today as I sit and think about all the women out there that just feel like they can't be all that God has created them to be. They feel this way because other women have told them where they have failed or they compare themselves to that really great woman(I know we all have "her" in our lives) that God never intended us to be like. Whatever has made us feel like we have failed or can't be all that we want to be, God has a plan and calling for us all. We will not all look the same, we will not act the same, we will not parent the same, and we may not even eat the same but it is a good thing God created us in His image and not in the image of each other. If we look, act, love, parent, etc the way Jesus tells us to then we are accomplishing all that God has called us to. God has called me to be a stay at home, homeschooling mom in this season of my life. He may take me through different seasons but this is where He has me for now. I am blown away that He would choose me to raise and disciple these 2 sweet children. There are days when I wonder what he was thinking but at the end of the day, He has called me regardless of how good I am at it or how accomplished I feel. So here is my list.

THE MOM I WANNA BE!                                        the mom i am
Patient                                                                            impatient when I'm trying
                                                                                       without God
Disciplined(in working out)                                           hate the thought of a treadmill
Submissive                                                                     like control(working on this)
Fun                                                                                 has a hard time giving up a
                                                                                       schedule to have fun
Worry-Free                                                                     worry-some
In The Word Everyday For Hours                                 HAHAHAHA
Compassionate                                                               was very compassionate
                                                                                       before kids....ughh
Encouraging                                                                   sarcastic

......and the list goes on and on. Each day I bombard myself with thoughts of how I could be and do so much better. Then, I ask God what He thinks of me and I am immediately filled with peace because He calls me righteous. Not because I do righteous things but because when I surrendered my life to Him, I became righteous in His sight. Most days I just think He's up there laughing at me trying to make it through a day without His help. I think He wonders when I'll just stop and ask Him for all the things I need to get through that day. Whatever God has called you to: teaching, a business, staying home, a life of singleness, a mission field, etc: embrace where you are and thank God everyday that you are created in His image instead of the image of someone else. I want to be the mom on the left side of my list and I can work really hard to be her but my best efforts will never get me there. Then..... I think: If God already sees me righteous, He sees me as the mom on the left side. He sees my heart!!! God sees you and and He knows your heart. He sees all that you wanna be and all that you can be. He created you to be that!!! Walk in His truth and surrender daily!

If it was all gone...

Would you show up to gather with people just to be in God's presence? If all the colored lights were gone and there was no dynamic speaker, no Awanna, no youth group, no music, no A/c or heat, and no security would you still be excited to gather just for the sake of worshipping at the feet of Jesus? This thought has hit me like a ton of bricks. As I read more and more of the people in other countries who have to hide to meet together, I wonder if we will ever be that way. They meet in underground basements and abandoned buildings. There is no entertainment to draw them in, no really cool music to make them "feel" good, no comfortable seats or really comfort at all, and no promise of safety. But these gatherings are growing incredibly and people are risking it all to go to these meetings. I sometimes wonder, when we'll see Jesus as ENOUGH!! They do!!! The only thing that draws them in is Him and His glory and presence. It must be enough! You won't hear them say, " Wow, I love how that place made me feel." How do we get to this place of being excited about meeting with Jesus and nothing else? Now, there are great things we get to do at church and that are amazing but they mean nothing if that is our only reason for going and the only thing we look forward to. I guess I wanna get real and say that God has been showing me this lately. He has caused me to ask myself these questions and decide what I think my excitement and joy need to come from. If it was all taken away, ALL OF IT, would I still go and gather with my brother and sisters in anticipation of seeing Jesus? I pray that as I share what God has been dealing with me about lately that you would also ask yourself these questions. I have no idea when I'll get to that point(I may never living in America) but I want to strive to make it there. I want to say each and every day that JESUS IS ENOUGH!!!

What I Was Taught!!

Growing up, I was always taught that I needed to be in church and involved in everything. I'm not going to lie, it did make me feel better about myself. It was like God saw me showing up for everything and He somehow put me on a higher pedestal than non-churchgoers. As I have grown in my walk with the Lord and in maturity I have realized that this thinking is inaccurate. YES, going to church is important. I would think that genuine Christians would want to be involved in church. We need that fellowship and encouragement with other believers. It is a time to learn and grow but it does not redeem your soul or put you on a higher level with God. Josh and I have been coming up with our faith statement of what our church will be about and seeking the Lord on what He wants it to be. One big thing is creating a church that is missional. Now, I do not mean we'll go on big mission trips once a year, which is great, and assume that as being missional. I mean everyday missional, teaching Christians to do their normal everyday lives in a missional way. This video is a great example of what I mean when I say doing your everyday while making Jesus famous. Be blessed and encouraged!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJP35eEKGls&feature=share

www.youtube.com

Holding a Baby

Last night I got to hold a sweet 11 month old baby, Pearce. She is the sweetest little thing and I loved her coo's and laughs. Pearce was born with Anencephaly. She was suppose to be born and live just a few seconds or minutes and she is now 11 months old. She was in the hospital last night with tubes and machines hooked to her, but she was still so precious and pure. This was the first time I got to hold her. Josh was there when she was born, dedicating her to the Lord and praying over her and her family not knowing that she would just keep on fighting and live longer than anyone knew. As I held her last night, I thought of the love Jesus has for her. I thought about how He looks at her as perfect and beautiful. He sees her smokey blue eyes and soft skin and sees a baby made in His image. Her life is important and needed. She is worth every struggle her mom has to go through and every trip to the doctor her family has to take. God knew her before she was ever born and He knew she would make a difference in this world without ever speaking a word. I looked at her and thought, " Some women would have ended her life before it ever began because of the diagnosis she was given." Her mom made a different choice and her life will never be the same. You look at this little girl and you see hope and grace like you've never seen before. She is a picture of perfection among thorns that her body has developed. I could have held her all night (I'm sure her family would have something to say about that, they all had dibs on holding her :)...). These are the kinds of children that make this world seem different and change our view of what is important. I love her and have only met her once. For those of you who do not know Pearce, please pray with us as she battles through these struggles in the next few weeks. Pray that doctors would see Pearce as worth every effort and a picture of Christ in a small little package. Pray that her family would find rest and peace in the Lord while they are tired and pushing through. There is a shirt that Samuel has that as soon as I saw Pearce, I thought it was perfect for this little angel......" Small but Mighty!!!!"

Chains!!!

I have a good friend Amber who is an amazing writer, encourager, and example. She is real and I love reading her blog for support and wisdom. She just wrote on her blog and it was so much of what I think every person needs to hear. I decided I would share what she wrote today. It is about the paralyzing chains we have on us everyday. Be blessed and encouraged!!!

Chains: Are You Paralyzed?

We all have chains.  They come in every size and shape, but at the end of the day they are there, holding us back from the full life God has for us.  Take a moment and picture it.  Imagine going through a full day with heavy chains clutching your arms, your legs, your waist… imagine dragging those shackles as you get out of bed, make breakfast, go to work or school, do the laundry, or pay the bills.  Everything is harder with chains, right?  It wouldn't take long before many of us would get angry and throw them off!  As a matter of fact, I doubt most of us would get through breakfast before tossing the heavy clanking metal aside so we could be free.

Unfortunately, many of us carry chains twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.  They are invisible, but their effect is still just as strong in our lives.  We are weighted down, slugging through the daily tasks of life, fighting this invisible force that keeps us from being the best that we can be.  How can we be happy if we are weighted down with chains?  The truth is that chains PARALYZE us.

So the question for today is this: What are your chains?  

What is the silent heaviness that you drag with you day by day?  Here is a look at some of the most common chains that we carry around…

1. The Chain of Financial Fear

Debt.  Past due bills.  The kids' college tuition.  The mortgage payment that just isn't in the bank account.  Student loans that just never seem to end.  Credit card debt that is more than we can afford to pay.  Financial chains can paralyze us in life.  We feel helpless to escape our situation and completely out of control.  Everything we do in life is hindered by the fear that financial ruin will cause us to crumble at a moment's notice.

2. The Chain of Physical Illness

Disability.  Cancer.  Heart Disease.  Migraines. Diabetes.  PCOS.  Infertility.  Fibromyalgia.  Arthritis.  Physical illness can make every little act in life feel like a heavy duty job.  We are weighted down, burdened, and feel beyond help when the doctors have no answers.

3. The Chain of Depression

Sadness.  Loneliness.  A dark cloud that just won't go away.  Depression casts a shadow over our lives and we drag it around like chains across our necks while it strangles the air we so desperately need to survive.

4. The Chain of Insecurity

What if I fail?  What if I'm not good enough?  What if I'm too much?  What if I said the wrong thing?  What if I did it all wrong?  Insecurity is a chain that forces us to stand still.  Again, we are paralyzed, unable to move as the enemy weights us down with the belief that we are never going to have what it takes.

5. The Chain of Doubt

What if God isn't real?  If He loves me, why doesn't He answer my prayers?  Where is God when I'm hurting so bad?!  Doubt is a heavy chain that can make even mundane tasks more difficult.  It is perhaps the hardest chain to shed because so often, we pick it up unintentionally and over time, we let it grow until we are so covered in it that we have no idea how to shake it off.

6. The Chain of Abuse

Beaten.  Scarred.  Molested.  Terrified.  Shamed.  When you have faced abuse in any form during your life, you automatically have a tangle of chains to deal with.  For those who faced abuse as small children or for many years, the chains have been there so long that we don't even recognize them anymore.  They are a part of our daily garments and often, we use them as a shield to keep others from coming too close to the hurt that is deep inside.

7. The Chain of Bitterness

That friend who turned away.  The child you lost.  The co-worker who lied.  The church member who betrayed your trust.  The spouse that cheated.  When bitterness sets in, it locks so tightly that we can't see past the hurt and anger.  Chains of bitterness effect every moment of our lives, even the moments that go unrecognized.

8. The Chain of Stuff

The 27 pairs of shoes stacked in the closet.  The clothes we haven't worn in years.  The books we keep but never read.  The untouched clutter in our closets.  The carload of stuff we brought home from Wal-Mart. It's not wrong to have stuff, but when stuff has you, the chains set in and suddenly you are paralyzed beneath it.  Many, many, many people carry the chains of stuff without having any idea that they are weighted down at all.

So that's a quick look at some of the common chains that we carry.  Tomorrow, we'll start delving into them in more detail and talk about how to shed the chains and find TRUE freedom in Christ.  If you are paralyzed in the chains tonight, allow yourself to catch a glimmer of hope.  The One who holds the key is just waiting for you to hand him the lock.

-Amber

P.S. Take a minute and listen to this song... 

I am a Christian!

I came across a great little poem or writing on Pinterest( LOVE PINTEREST!!!) I am usually not one to post a lot of those little pictures with sayings on them. Some of them are really cheesy and some are great. I love this one for 2 reasons: #1- It says a lot of how I feel when I say I'm a Christian and #2- It shows how BIG God is and how SMALL I am. I am a sinner saved by grace. I am not perfect. I am not better than anyone. I am not close to who I want to be. I am not worthy of forgiveness. But because of GRACE not the LAW, I am made righteous (Rom. 5:19). I am equal with every person. I am growing in faith and knowledge each day. I AM FORGIVEN!!! (Col.2:13). I hope this writing challenges those who claim Christ and shows my heart to those who do not. Be Blessed and Encouraged!!!

I set the tone....unfortunately sometimes!!!

As the mom, sometimes I set the tone for the day in my home. If I wake up in a bad mood: I make breakfast in a bad mood, homeschool in a bad mood, and clean in a bad mood. Once my kids see and feel my mood, their moods also change. Of course, they get in trouble for the the things they do when they are in a bad mood. BUT, I am the reason they are acting in that way. GRRRRR....I get so mad at myself sometimes. For instance, yesterday, we had to get up early and leave our house to get to the airport to fly to PA. Now, something to know about me is that when the morning comes that I am getting on a plane, I am a mess. I do not like to fly. I get nervous and I just want the day to hurry and pass by. Another thing to know is that Samuel HATES when the sun is in his face and he also hates riding in the car. Therefore, the whole way to Charlotte yesterday he whined, screamed, and kicked the back of my chair yelling,
" Sunshine, go away". By the time we got to the airport I wanted to bang my head against a wall. Samuel is one reason we do not drive long distances unless we have to.

So, needless to say, I was not a happy, caring mommy yesterday. We tried to eat breakfast at the airport and Samuel spilled Orange Juice and I cracked. Josh and Katelyn even told me I should go eat my breakfast at another table(wow...that's pretty bad). I had lost all patience and I didn't realize that I had already set the tone earlier by my stress and attitude. God made it very clear to me this morning as I was reading that as the mom, example, teacher, wife, and Christian, the way I wake and handle each day will set the tone for everybody else's day. Many moms would say, " I can't make myself happy if I am not and I shouldn't have to". Well, as moms, especially if you are with your kids all day, you are the example of Jesus they see. YOU ARE IT!!! I know, convicting huh?? If I am already short and upset when I wake up and then we do Bible time and I am teaching Katelyn and Samuel about being more like Jesus, what am I really teaching them about Jesus? I mean, I can fill their heads with great knowledge about Him and how amazing He is but their hearts are not turned because of my actions. They do not hear what I say, they watch what I do. Sometimes, that really stinks. Sometimes I do not want to be held accountable for what my kids see in me. Sometimes, I just want to have a bad day and everybody leave me alone. Almost immediately when I feel that way, God with His Holy Spirit steps in and sets me straight. He tells me what an amazing calling it is to be a mom. Yes, it requires every ounce of your being, but there is no greater love than laying down your life (John15:13).

So, what do I need to do? I need to pray before I get out of bed. Even if its a 5 minute prayer, it needs to happen. I need to surrender my will, attitude, and day to Jesus before my day even starts. I cannot live the calling God has for me if I am doing it in my own strength and will. There are days when I want to do it on my own ( another thing about me: I like control!) but those days end up not being the day I teach my kids what love is, those are the days when I do not touch their hearts and those are the days when they see Jenna and not Jesus. So, now that I have told you about my epic fail as a mom yesterday, I pray that you will learn from my not so good example. If you are a mom or are going to be, YOUR KIDS NEED YOU TO SHOW THEM JESUS!!!! You set the tone each day of how your home and relationships will be. I pray that each of you will be Jesus to your children. I pray that you will start each day looking for a way to touch your kids hearts and pour truth into them. More than anything, I pray that Jesus has changed your heart so that He can change your child's!!!

What I Would Tell My Past Self!!!

I was listening to 94.1 and they are talking a lot about what we would tell ourselves back when we were teenagers or just younger than we are now. I started thinking about that and man did the advice flow. I thought I'd make a list of the things I would tell my past self, my younger self.

#1: Spend as much time with your parents as you can. They do not seem very cool right now and all you really want to do is hang out with your friends. Most of those friends will not be around in 10 years and neither may one of your parents. Cherish every second with them and tell them you love them everyday. One day you may have to let one of them go and will be the hardest thing you have and will go through.

#2:Stop dating those boys. If you could only understand that God has an amazing man for you. He is already preparing him to be your husband and you will want to give him your heart. If you continue to give all these other boys your heart, there will not be much left for him. He will be everything you have dreamed of and more. He will love you like you have never been loved by a man and you will have an incredible marriage.

#3: Nobody will care in 10 years that you were Homecoming Queen. Stop worrying if you will win. You may think that it matters and that everyone will remember the dress you wore, the way your hair looked, and how elegantly you walked, but they won't. They really don't care. What they will remember is how you lived your life and how you treated them. Honor God with how you live. That is what you should be remembered by.

#4: Stop crying over those mean girls. They will say their your friends, but they really are not. They actually would love to see you fail so stop trying to impress them. One day, you will have amazing friends. You will meet friends in the next 10 years that will change your life. They will pray for you, weep with you, laugh with you, and be brutally honest with you. Just wait for those friendships that do not require you changing who you are. There will still be mean girls as you grow up but you just won't care quite as much.

#5: STOP EATING FRENCH FRIES!!! I know that you love them and that right now they are not affecting how great you look, but they will. They will catch up to you and you will want so badly to give them up and can't seem to. Just stop eating them now and then it won't be so hard later.

#6: Quit thinking you are fat!! Seriously, your waist is 22 inches and you wear a size 7/8 in jeans. You are 5'8 and that is pretty much perfect. Just because you see girls wearing a 0 does not mean your size 7 is big. You will not always be this size and will wish everyday you had this body back. But guess what, you will not be this size later in life because you will be a mommy and at that point, it will be all worth it.

#7: Don't just believe everything because someone at church told you it. Study it for yourself. Dig deep in the Word and figure out for yourself what is truth. Right now, at your school and the little bit that you are going to church, you are not learning true gospel. You are getting bits and pieces but you are missing so much. It is not their job to define your relationship with God, it is yours. You have to search and find what God says about you and Him. Yes, you are young, but you are also capable of learning deep spiritual truths. Don't wait until you are an adult to get that. DO IT NOW!!!

#8: Surrender to the Lord now. You have always been "good" but have never truly surrendered. Jesus doesn't want you works and until you get that, you will never truly surrender. Don't be a hindrance to the people around you by claiming Christ but never telling them about Him. Use these years to pour your heart out to God and watch Him move mountains. Don't wait until you are an adult to get that religion means nothing without a relationship with Jesus. Stop just "being good" and hand it all over to Jesus and live it out.

There is so much more I would tell my past self but these were my first thoughts. I hope that if you are reading this and you are still very young, heed these words from someone who has come out on the other side. I had some great memories of my past but I also have times that I wish I could go back and do things differently. Thank God for forgiveness and setting my feet on the right path. I am a work in progress and can't wait to see what my future self has in store.