Monday, September 23, 2013

Get Over It

Those words were in my head a couple of months ago. I kept telling myself(or it may have been God), "Get Over It, Jenna!" The reason for that very negative pep talk was because my mind was running in circles. My daughter is so much like me and not like me at all. I know that makes no sense but it really does if you know both of us well. I don't like change, can sometimes not know when to stop talking, feel the need to state my rights when I feel they are being violated, and so on. My daughter has those same qualities but I have tried hard to break that cycle so let's just say, she's better than I in those areas. Growing up, I loved anything pink and sparkly but also loved playing in the back yard getting dirty, I loved to where dresses and heels but also loved when it was time for pajamas pants and a t-shirt(I actually probably preferred the latter). I played basketball, cheered, LOVED softball, and tried pretty much any type of activity like that. I had no desire to take care of animals or grow things(too much work). I loved dolls and making them beautiful. When Katelyn was born I pretty much changed her clothes 3 times a day. Everything she had was pink, flowery, shiny, lacy, and super girly. I loved putting BIG bows in her hair even before she really had the hair for it. Even with dressing her girly, we put her in t-ball. I wanted her to love what I loved. I wanted her to be girly and whack a softball across the field. I wanted her to be girly but strong. I wanted her to see the things I loved and want them to be a part of her life too. Then, we could connect right? We would have everything in common. I could spend my days teaching her how to pitch a softball in the backyard and then showing her how to accessorize a cute sweater. We would play baby dolls and I could show her how to braid their hair. Then reality hit and she turned 4. She didn't want baby dolls, she wanted swords and guns. She didn't want to wear dresses but jeans ALL THE TIME. I was dressing her for church one Sunday and she said that she didn't want to wear a bow in her hair that day. My mouth flew open and I was in awe that after 4 years of wearing cute bows, how could she just not want to anymore. I made her...I know, awful right. The thing is, I would continue to make her do things she didn't want to because my heart wanted her to be what I had envisioned my daughter to be. She didn't like softball and never wanted to play it. She wanted to try soccer. SOCCER? I didn't play soccer. I knew nothing about soccer. At least it was a sport and I liked sports so we signed her up. She decided she wanted to go to a camp to learn about horses. WHAT?? What about playing another sport or something? Not only did I know know anything about horses but they scared me. What if they kicked her or bucked her? She was scared at first too but faced her fear and got past it. Now, she wants to train to barrel race..AHHHH!! She wants goats, chickens, gardens, horses, dogs, flowers, and forts in our yard right now. Every one of those make me cringe. She wants to be so many things when she grows up. She wants to be a missionary, a Veterinarian, a guitar player in a band, a farmer, a horse trainer, a mommy, and a wife.

The reason I had to get over it was because God created her to be just who she is. For a purpose that I don't know, this is who she needed to be. This is what is and will bring the most glory to God. The funny thing is, out of all the little girls that could have been mine, she is exactly the little girl I would have wanted. She is courageous and strong. She is too busy doing the things she loves to be caught in any kind of drama that girls can fall into. She does not care what anyone thinks of her. She is compassionate and caring. She is helpful to those who can not help themselves. She sees beauty in God's creation and desires to make it more beautiful. She loves to make people laugh and is pretty good at it. She loves competition but is such a good sport. She has fallen in love with a horse that she tells her secrets to and will never forget this awesome time in her life. I just pray that as she grows into this woman that God will use greatly, that we train her in truth and godliness. Once I "got over it", I fell more in love with this warrior princess than I ever thought I could. I saw a beauty in her like I have never seen and a thirst for life that inspires me. As parents, we want so desperately to create a little person that fits our mold. We try and put on them what WE desire for them instead of what God has already put within them. Once we see those talents, those gifts, it is really easy to see Christ and His workmanship in them. When I look at my daughter riding a horse smiling, I see Jesus. When I watch her press in on the soccer field, I see Jesus. When I hear her pray or rock a baby to sleep, I see Jesus. When I stand back as she whispers in a horses ear all the things on her heart, I see Jesus. When she gets excited about a plant growing or an animal that curls up in her lap, I see Jesus. I am so glad that I finally,"GOT OVER IT."Really deep inside, this little girl is my hero. She exudes confidence and grace and I pray that one day, I can be like her.