This past week we lost a sweet little family member. Buttercup, Katelyn's guinea pig, became very sick. We weren't sure whether to keep watching him each day and maybe he would get better or take him to the vet. See, animals stress me out. I LOVE them. I think they are precious and so sweet but I am not a fan of taking care of one. I will snuggle with a pet at someone else's house but I get very anxious at the idea of being responsible for one. My daughter, on the other hand, LOVES ANIMALS and all that comes with it. She can't handle people puke but she will clean up an animals! She has this crazy way about her that animals love her and will do just about anything for her. It really is a gift that God has blessed her with. With all that said, my sweet girl and been through a lot of loss in her short 9 years. She has lost 3 dogs, a fish, a hermit crab, an aunt, 2 great grandma's, a great grandfather, 3 siblings, an amazing grandfather(my dad), and now Buttercup. She has seen and felt the pain of great loss for a kid. I have held her and listened to her as she has tried to make sense of it all. She has held me as I have broken down with the weight that loss brings. I have no doubt that God has allowed her to go through it all for something great that He is going to do in her life. I have no doubt that she will rock this world to the core for Jesus' name. But I can't help but weep at the thought of all she feels and struggles through to see God in it all.
On Wednesday, we decided to take Buttercup to the vet. The news was not great. They told us about all the tests they could run and that we would still need to administer all kinds of medication and feed him with droppers and monitor him. The day before we took him I was thinking," We are talking about a guinea pig. They don't live long anyway and people eat them in other countries. This is crazy to take him to a vet and pay all this money." But as we sat there listening to the vet, I began to cry. I cried because I knew my daughter, with her her heart for animals, would do anything for any kind of animal. I knew she has already been through enough loss and now this. As the vet began to tell me the cost of it all and that it may not even work, my mouth flew open. This was not going to be cheap. I sat quiet for a second and my sweet. sweet girl put her hand on my arm and said," Mom, I don't want you to pay this money. Just let him go. He is struggling and it is not fair for him to go through that. Now, can I go to the car?" Then, she began to cry and walked out of the room. I was in awe. My little girl had seen a lot of this and had learned to let go when that was the best thing to do. I looked at the vet and she looked as shocked as me. I dried up my tears, called Josh for final answers and made the decision to put Buttercup to sleep. I picked up Samuel, headed to the car and just held her as she wept. We went home and she rode her bike for an hour not wanting to really talk at all. She cried some more that night and we just kept hugging her and telling her we loved her. That was not a good day but that is the first time she has thought not only of herself but the well-being of everyone and everything around her. I saw this glimpse of maturity rise up within her to make a hard decision. I was sad for her in that moment but SO PROUD of the maturity that took place. It didn't mean she wasn't still going to be sad but it meant that through all the loss she has been through, she was beginning to learn that letting go is ok. She is beginning to see that this life is so short and that our HOME that awaits us is forever and glorious. Wednesday was a rough day but also a day that I saw who my little girl will be and what God is stirring within her. My glimpse of maturity was in the eyes and words of the little girl God blessed me with. Maybe one day, I'll be like her when I grow up...:)
