Self

But none of these things move me; nor do I count my life dear to myself, so that I may finish my race with joy, and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God. (Acts 20:24)

My reading this morning was this verse. This is a morning where I woke up with a sore body from lifting heavy things yesterday and having a bed that's 12 years old. My first thought was, I need a massage. I mean, when is the last time I had one? It has been way to long. This is a morning where I don't feel like teaching and just want to dance around the kitchen all morning. This is a morning where I have been thinking about why my house isn't selling because we need a better house. I know, I know, can you say SELF-CENTERED!!! Not that those things are inherently bad but if that is all that has consumed my mind this morning, I have only been thinking of myself and what I want for the last hour. Then, I sit down at my stained (by painting sessions with my kids) and handed down kitchen table and wonder if I'll ever have furniture that was not owned by someone else before me? I opened up my laptop, which annoys me because a key is missing and half the time it doesn't function the way it should. I go to my reading and this verse is what I study. Funny how God already knew how I would wake up this morning. The part of the verse that struck me was ," nor do I count my life dear to myself." Paul writes that in order to finish the race with JOY and the ministry that He has for me is to not count my life as my own. There are things God has called me to and that is how I share the gospel of grace with my life. How can I do that if all I think about is myself and how I somehow deserve better than I already have. As soon as I read this verse and studied meanings of it, I was convicted and set at peace all at the same time. Convicted that I was selfish the moment I woke up and at peace because the things I mentioned above are blessings I do not deserve.If all we do is dance around the kitchen this morning, than that is a memory that will stay in my kids minds forever and that is better than any type of curriculum we do today. My house is perfect and everything we NEED and if it never sells, then it is the house that should be our HOME. My kitchen table has so many stains, chips in the wood and splatters of paint because my kids sit around it while we learn and talk together EVERYDAY. I have a laptop, that's all that needs to be said. God has things for me to do and I must do those things with JOY so as to finish the race with an obedient heart. I am so blessed that even in the midst of this kind of thinking, God loves me and shows me grace once again. Thank goodness He sees my heart and immediately put things back into perspective before I go too long through my day in that kind of selfish thinking. If I never have anything or any type of pleasure, I must finish the race with JOY because all that I need is Jesus. Thank you God for choosing to bless me even when I lose my mind every now and then.