A Nine Year Old Understanding

I have wondered how to feel, think, write, and talk about Newtown. I didn't want to take away from anything that was going on and I also wasn't quite sure what to say. Josh and I had no problem letting Katelyn know what was going on at the very beginning. As the story went on, we never told her really anything else. She saw the pictures of the kids and teachers and we prayed for their families daily. When Katelyn and I got to actually discuss it, I was surprised by her first thought. I guess the thoughts of children are so different and really show us a heart that has not been tainted by this world. When I asked how she felt, she said," I wonder what happened to that man to make him want to do something like that." I just looked at her. Her first thought was not anger, rage, or even sadness. Her first thought was compassion for someone who was considered the "evil" in this event. She wanted to know about him and questioned that maybe things in his past that were done to him made him feel he had to do this. I was floored. In an instant, I saw Jesus. I saw Jesus in her wanting to understand the evil in our world and make it better. I saw Jesus in her compassion for his family too. I saw Jesus by the way she felt sad for him that he must have wandered in life to make a choice like this. As we talked, I wanted to see it her way. I wanted to not be angry but be full of compassion and grace in the face of unspeakable evil.

Later that night, she wept with her dad thinking of these children and their families. She cried tears of compassion and true sadness for children she will never meet and families she may never see. She never questioned God and His authority. She never questioned whether God was present there or not. As a nine year old, her faith is not based on circumstances but on truth. I envied her in these moments. I longed to have the faith of a child during this. I saw how she was comforted but the scripture her dad gave her. Lately, I have tried to see things through my children's eyes. I have especially wanted to see Jesus the way they do. I want to have that faith that is simple and steady. There are days when I want to see God and everything about Him through the unbiased and faithful eyes of a nine year old.