Understanding Success!

I was torn between reading Hunger Games (because everybody is) or The Explicit Gospel by Matt Chandler. I know what you're thinking, "Wow, those are two totally different books." Well, I read the first few chapters of Hunger Games and sat it down and never picked it back up. Everybody who has read that says they couldn't put it down; hmmmm...maybe I'm just weird. Anyway, Josh came home from a conference with The Explicit Gospel book and I decided to choose that one. I read the first chapter and you know that feeling of not being able to put it down? Well, that's where I was. Reading about the sovereignty of God was just too much to stop reading. So, as I continued I came across something that I and maybe even others need to hear. There is a section talking about how our churches are so consumed with being successful that they actually are not successful at all. He even went into us personally seeing certain things in our lives that we think make us successful. As he talked about the church, I begin to feel a huge change happen within me. I always thought if a church was big, growing, doing a lot of programs, and people loved coming there that it was a successful church. Those things are all great and may be a picture of success but what about the guy in the middle of nowhere that preaches to the same 9 people every Sunday and they reject it every Sunday? Is he successful? Is he doing what God has called him to do? Well, most of us today would say that he should just move on, retire, give it up. Well God's Word is filled with people he called to preach to a group that he would never see come to the Lord in his lifetime or see God's plan unfold (Jeremiah would be an utter failure, John the Baptist missed the ministry of Jesus, Moses never got to see the Promised Land) WOW. How discouraging is that? Matt even uses this to better explain it:

Now Hiring: Pastor. Must make hearts dull. Those seeking fruitful ministry need not apply.


HaHa, how funny is that? But that is exactly what God told Isaiah to do in Isaiah 6:10, " Make the heart of this people dull, and their ears heavy, and blind their eyes; lest they see with their eyes, and hear with their ears, and understand with their hearts, and turn and be healed." Then Isaiah asks in vs. 11,"How long, O Lord?" God goes on to say, "Until the cities lie waste without inhabitant, and houses without people, and the land is a desolate waste, and the Lord removes people far away, and the forsaken places are many in the midst of the land. And though a tenth remain in it, it will be burned again, like a terebinth or an oak, whose stumps remains when it is felled." Basically God is saying," I want you to go to a people who will hear but not perceive. I am going to destroy all except those who really love me, trust me, and seek me." WHAT??? I mean Isaiah must have been like," So, I'm going somewhere that I will never see grow and flourish? Somewhere that I may never hear praise and thankfulness for what I am doing? Somewhere that I will never have men love me and want to follow my lead?" YES!!!! That is exactly right. But look at the last verse, " whose stump remains when it all falls". DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?? God is telling Isaiah that even though he will never see or have all those things in his day, there will come a day when everything he did for the glory of God will be passed to another generation. AHHH!!! If that does not make you want to dig deep into the trenches of what maybe God is calling you to then you need to read it again. Isaiah was being sent to people to proclaim faithfully, and they would reject continually. As Matt says, God is still at work in that! For me, a successful pastor is one who goes on and on in the obedience of God even if it is hard, even if it seems like the most unlikely thing to do, even if no one comes to the Lord on his watch. The Lord draws man's hearts, not a preacher or a really great sermon. I am blown away by the Lord dealing with me and my heart while reading this book. My heart must change so that I can perceive, not just see!!! If you are looking for a book to read, The Explicit Gospel will shake you up and call you to seek and dive into this thing called the gospel. One encouragement for you as I end: If you do not see fruit in what God has called you to do, take heart, HE IS STILL AT WORK IN THAT!!!! BE ENCOURAGED!!!!

The Everyday Question of Motherhood

I read a great bog today that I needed to hear so much. Isn't it funny when God know exactly what you need to hear when you need to hear it. Christine Hoover is a church planters wife and I have had many conversations with her as we have started our journey to church planting. She is a wife, mom, author, and really cool lady!!! I hope you enjoy this post from her blog today and remember mom's....BE ENCOURAGED!!!!

The Everyday Question of Motherhood

Remembering an Amazing Day!!!!

As I am in PA getting ready to be a part of the wedding of Josh's younger brother, Jeremy and his Fiance Jen, I find myself remembering that week before my wedding and the amazing wedding day. More than anything I remember being more excited than anything else. That week was so crazy but I loved every minute of it. I remember Josh, my bridesmaids and me decorating the reception spot and making the chapel look exactly the way I had always pictured it. I remember thinking that I could not beleieve that this amazing man wanted to marry me. I kept thinking about what our future would hold. I thought about how much fun we would have and how we would spend the rest of our lives following Jesus into the call of Youth Ministry. As the wedding day came, I woke up having butterflies but every second I remember just loving the entire process. I loved getting my hair done, spending time with my family and bridesmaids, getting my dress on, and preparing for a day I would never forget. Our wedding day went off without any problems and I loved every minute. We danced, ate cake, laughed, and walked through bubbles on our way to the rest of our lives. I was so in love!!!!

That all sounds great right?? Really, those are the things that we work so hard for when it comes to getting married. I knew Josh was the man God had for me and I still do. I planned a beauitful wedding day and had the most fun doing it. But more than anything, I needed to remember the covenant of marriage and the picture it was of Jesus' love for me. As we have walked through almost 11 years of marriage, it has not always been fun and worked out perfectly. We have walked through selfishness,having 2 children, Post Pardum depression, resigning from 3 churches, 3 miscarriages,losing friends, my father's death and putting our own needs above each other's. I nevered pictured these things on my wedding day. I never even thought about the suffering that would come in our marriage. I guess I could have never prepared for those things but thank God our marriage was not about the wedding day but about the covenant that we were making to each other. Josh and I have had some pretty good fights and we have walked through the darkest times but one thing I remember in it all is that God brought me this incredible man to walk through these things together. I am more than thankful for him and the life that God has given me. I love that he loves me for me and that we are so blessed to have the marriage that we do. So, even as I think about our wedding day almost 11 years ago and the excitement it brought, I would never change one thing about our marriage and this blessed life of mine. So, CONGRATULATIONS JEREMY AND JEN and remember this amazing covenant you are making with your marriage......AND, thank you Josh for the wild ride and I can't wait for the rest of my life that I get to spend with you!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!

When I Grow Up

I read a blog today from a girl I went to college with. Her husband was good friends with Josh and traveled together on a mission team. I read her blog when she posts new things and the blog today immediately filled me with encouragement and spoke straight to my heart. Thank you for being so honest and uplifting to me as a mom Annie.  Be encouraged and here is her post for the day:



When I Grow Up

My oldest girl was asked recently what she wanted to be when she grew up.   After thinking for a moment, she gave a deep, agonizing sigh and cautiously answered, “Well…I want to be an astronaut.  But, I keep wondering…what will my kids do when I’m in space? So, I don’t really know how to answer your question.”

I tried to comfort my six year old as she wrestled with the dilemma of whether or not to pursue a career outside the home and thought about how I had answered that same question when I was her age.  Inspired by Angelina the Ballerina, I know I had naively had said dancer,  eventually changed my career aspirations to marine biologist, then at age twelve finally settled on photo-journalist for National Geographic.

Now that I come to think of it, I don’t think stay-at-home MOM was on the list of viable career options that I had been presented.

No wonder I felt so de-valued and disillusioned when, at a young age, I quit my ESL job at an elementary school to stay at home with my new baby…I had been told my whole life that MOTHERHOOD WASN’T REALLY A JOB.   It was the weirdest feeling on earth to wake up in the morning and not go to school (I had done that every year of my life since 1985).

I felt like I had retired.

At age twenty-four.

I flailed and I flailed hard. Why hadn’t anyone warned me about this?  I wanted to get a part-time job as a waitress, not necessarily because we needed more income, butbecause I wanted to have somewhere to go during the day besides the grocery store and someone to talk to besides a non-responsive infant.  What was this new life I had found myself suddenly in?  Could I really be content at home,when every day felt like Groundhog’s Day?

Of course, my job as a stay-at-home mom has evolved since only having one baby and eventually I found a MOMS club (Thank you, LORD, for providing Mommy friends!), but different shades of discontentment with my current “career” has been something I’ve struggled with at almost every turn.  

Recently a close friend had another baby and she is now staying home with her two small children.  We talked on the phone the other day and I thought her summary statement in response to “So…how’s it goin?…” was very insightful:

“I guess I just really miss putting on lipstick and high heels in the morning and going somewhere.”

Not that I ever wore high heels to my past job, but I could still relate to her angst over wanting to feel that I had accomplished more than just FEEDING myself and my family that day.  Being a stay-at-home-mom is not for the accomplishment addict.  THAT I have learned.

We kept talking and reminding each other that this was just a SEASON of life and that someday it would end and we would miss it.

That what we do every day is important even though it feels as worn as the dirty socks we’re constantly finding stuffed under our stained couches.

That, although it FEELS like we’re in a hamster wheel, circling the same circle every day, we’re actually in a SLINKY, winding up and around (although rather dizzying and disorienting), riding this cycle of change.

That we need to re-define productivity…or rather…just begin to believe that reading books and taking our kids to the playground and feeding them and loving them and taking them on slow (and I mean REALLY slow) walks and investing in their lives… is the definition of genuine productivity.

I’m not sure if my daughter will ever sail with the stars or if NASA will even receive any government funding by then.  I do know that if she decides to hang up her astronaut suit for a few years….or a few decades….while she rocks my grandchildren and teaches them about their Creator….she will never, and I do mean never, regret it.
Seven years later, as I learn to do this job that I never was trained in all my years of education to do, I still wrestle with cultural expectations, job satisfaction,  and a sense of significance.  I can blame my past and blame my culture, but ultimately I’m trying to go forward with what I’ve got.  Recently I saw a quote on a blog that has stuck with me in a surprisingly powerful way.

Maybe you’ve heard it before and have been WONDERINGwhen I would finally get this, but for the rest of us, perhaps you can relate.

I can choose to be dissatisfied with my current job and let my grass turn crusty brown or EMBRACE the fact that I stay at home and nurture the ones I love most.

I haven’t always made the right choice, but it’s never too late to start.

April 16, 2012

What Immodesty Says!!!

I am always blown away by the things my daughter says and the wisdom she has at only the age of 8 (she would say "almost 9"). Even at a young age she would ask me things like "why would a girl want to show her belly?" and " does that dress not make her uncomfortable?" There were even times when I had to explain to her to not talk so loud and that there are people in the world that do not know Jesus and we can not expect them to act like it. We just have to love them, tell them about Jesus and pray that their hearts would be turned. Well, now that she's older, the questions are getting harder. When she sees pictures of girls (and women) or girls (and women) in public that she knows and they are dressed immodestly she immediately looks at me. I know exactly what she is thinking and what is about to come out.

The other night I was on Facebook and she happened to see a picture of someone she knew. They were dressed very immodest and she was taken back. It took her a minute and when she thought about it she immediately asked me. "Mom, is that so and so?" to which I replied,"Yes." I knew it was coming. "I thought she was a Christian. Why would she show the whole world her body if she's suppose to be like Jesus?" WOW!!!! What in the world do I say to that? How do I answer that? How do I tell her that there are so many girls that claim the name of Christ but when it comes to modesty, they think they can call the shots? How do I tell her that many young girls think that dressing immodest will get them the attention they desire when they really should be desiring the attention of Jesus? How do I tell her that God is just as concerned about these girl's modesty as he is about every other choice in life that they make? Well, that's what I told her. I told her all of that!!! I could tell that she was a bit disappointed in what she saw.

So, here's my issue. Every girl that has ever been in a youth group that my husband was the youth pastor of will tell you that they probably got tired of hearing me talk about modesty and how incredibly important it was. I have always been puzzled by Christian young women and older women for that matter, that have no concept of modesty in their walk with the Lord. Its like they think it doesn't go together. Well, now my daughter sees it and do you know what immodesty says to her: If you don't understand modesty, then you don't understand Christ. I mean those were not the words she said but it's what they all meant. To her, immodesty means that you say one thing and do another. To her, immodesty means that you don't understand how big God is to transform your life completely. To her, immodesty means that she no longer looks to that person as a role model. Those were some things she said as we talked and by the end of the conversation I thought," Man, maybe she could go and tell these girls the importance if modesty." I mean, SHE GOT IT!!!! It made complete sense to her. I think more than anything she was confused at the inconsistency in what someone says and then what they do. We talked for awhile and she showed such maturity and wisdom. I was so proud of her and how she handled all the conversation that we had. I know that more hard questions will come as she gets older but this one threw me for a loop. As much information as I know about this subject and have talked about it, it was hard to explain to my 8 year old this hard topic. I write this blog to tell you not only what immodesty says to those around you but also the wisdom that could be learned from a child.

My Struggles

I read a lot of great blogs that God uses to encourage and lift me up. I also have seen some that show the bloggers weaknesses and struggles. It is actually funny that when they share their struggles, I get more encouragement than ever. I guess it might be because I needed to know that every woman has struggles whether she admits it or not. Or it could be that I learn more about our Savior in the struggles of His children. I thought about it and while my list of struggles may take days, I do have some I'd like to share and confess. Freedom comes with confession and I am all about getting messy with my fellow sisters. SO here ya go:

Eating right and Exercise: AHHHH!!!! This has always and will continue to be a huge struggle for me. I LOVE BAD FOOD!!!! My favorite food: french fries. I don't mean I eat them every now and then. I could literally eat the for every lunch and dinner. Even as a little girl, I loved them and they are my nemesis. I also get very frustrated trying to count calories and understand what I should eat and not eat. Exercise also frustrates me because I want results right away, which brings me to my next struggle;

Patience: I seem to lose it more than I care to tell. It could be that I cleaned up the kitchen floor perfectly and then one of my kids spills something that creates stickiness for days. It could be that I'm in a drive thru and it is slower than if I had just walked in and ordered in person. On any given day, it could be anything. I constantly need reaffirming that things are not a big deal from my amazing husband who usually gets the brunt of my impatience....sorry babe!!! I am constantly saying I'm sorry to my kids for raising my voice and I hate it when I do it.

Worry: I tend to worry before I think. Many times it is small things that create great worry and anxiety for me like if my kids are going to sleep ok where we are or if we will be able to pay the next bill coming in. I did not worry nearly as much when I was younger and this is definitely a debilitating worry at times. Worry has been what has caused me to be on edge many times and even caused me to have physical pain when it was really bad. I HATE when I worry. I hate that it puts strain on my family and the people I am around. I have to wake up every morning and give my day to the Lord so that worry stays far away. I am constantly praying and giving God all the things that bring me worry and stress. This is a daily thing and I will always have to push through it.

Pride: Now, my pride is not the normal pride like I think I am better than others. It is a pride of finding myself at fault if anything goes wrong with my kids or husband. Many people would say that this is not pride but in reality it is. My pride tells me that when my kids misbehave or struggle, that I did something to cause it. It is almost like the world revolves around me right? To me, that is pride. I beat myself up a lot when things do not go as planned with my husband or children. Especially in public when the whole world can see the disobedience or the issues we are going through. I have learned that my kids and husband have a heavenly Father who they sin against, they are not sinning against me. I am not their Savior and they will have times of falling. My job as wife and mother is to give them every bit of Jesus for those times and watch Him move them to a greater walk with Him.

Bible Reading: Being at home all day with two kids and homeschooling on top of that does not lead me to a lot of time to sit and read my Bible. I have always envied women who would spend hours in the Word and always seemed refreshed by it. I have tried to set up good times when reading the Bible is the best and it never fails that a kid wakes up right as I start or one decides they need to talk to me right at that moment. I have learned to pray through the day and try and read bits while I can. I have had good weeks at it and others, not so much. I know that I am in a season of life right now that Bible reading is difficult and I know I am worshipping each day that I spend with these little ones.

These struggles are the big ones. All the other struggles fall under these so that is why I shared these as my most troublesome. Living this Christian life is so hard and I fail on more than one occasion. As I look at these struggles I am reminded that God is not surprised by them. He walks with me daily in them and pushes me through them. I am blessed beyond measure for the Savior that loves me even in all this mess. I hope that you are encouraged in knowing that God sees you where you are and He desires to walk with you to bring you out of the bondage of sin. I love looking back and seeing how much He has brought me through and the daily grace He gives me.