My Struggles

I read a lot of great blogs that God uses to encourage and lift me up. I also have seen some that show the bloggers weaknesses and struggles. It is actually funny that when they share their struggles, I get more encouragement than ever. I guess it might be because I needed to know that every woman has struggles whether she admits it or not. Or it could be that I learn more about our Savior in the struggles of His children. I thought about it and while my list of struggles may take days, I do have some I'd like to share and confess. Freedom comes with confession and I am all about getting messy with my fellow sisters. SO here ya go:

Eating right and Exercise: AHHHH!!!! This has always and will continue to be a huge struggle for me. I LOVE BAD FOOD!!!! My favorite food: french fries. I don't mean I eat them every now and then. I could literally eat the for every lunch and dinner. Even as a little girl, I loved them and they are my nemesis. I also get very frustrated trying to count calories and understand what I should eat and not eat. Exercise also frustrates me because I want results right away, which brings me to my next struggle;

Patience: I seem to lose it more than I care to tell. It could be that I cleaned up the kitchen floor perfectly and then one of my kids spills something that creates stickiness for days. It could be that I'm in a drive thru and it is slower than if I had just walked in and ordered in person. On any given day, it could be anything. I constantly need reaffirming that things are not a big deal from my amazing husband who usually gets the brunt of my impatience....sorry babe!!! I am constantly saying I'm sorry to my kids for raising my voice and I hate it when I do it.

Worry: I tend to worry before I think. Many times it is small things that create great worry and anxiety for me like if my kids are going to sleep ok where we are or if we will be able to pay the next bill coming in. I did not worry nearly as much when I was younger and this is definitely a debilitating worry at times. Worry has been what has caused me to be on edge many times and even caused me to have physical pain when it was really bad. I HATE when I worry. I hate that it puts strain on my family and the people I am around. I have to wake up every morning and give my day to the Lord so that worry stays far away. I am constantly praying and giving God all the things that bring me worry and stress. This is a daily thing and I will always have to push through it.

Pride: Now, my pride is not the normal pride like I think I am better than others. It is a pride of finding myself at fault if anything goes wrong with my kids or husband. Many people would say that this is not pride but in reality it is. My pride tells me that when my kids misbehave or struggle, that I did something to cause it. It is almost like the world revolves around me right? To me, that is pride. I beat myself up a lot when things do not go as planned with my husband or children. Especially in public when the whole world can see the disobedience or the issues we are going through. I have learned that my kids and husband have a heavenly Father who they sin against, they are not sinning against me. I am not their Savior and they will have times of falling. My job as wife and mother is to give them every bit of Jesus for those times and watch Him move them to a greater walk with Him.

Bible Reading: Being at home all day with two kids and homeschooling on top of that does not lead me to a lot of time to sit and read my Bible. I have always envied women who would spend hours in the Word and always seemed refreshed by it. I have tried to set up good times when reading the Bible is the best and it never fails that a kid wakes up right as I start or one decides they need to talk to me right at that moment. I have learned to pray through the day and try and read bits while I can. I have had good weeks at it and others, not so much. I know that I am in a season of life right now that Bible reading is difficult and I know I am worshipping each day that I spend with these little ones.

These struggles are the big ones. All the other struggles fall under these so that is why I shared these as my most troublesome. Living this Christian life is so hard and I fail on more than one occasion. As I look at these struggles I am reminded that God is not surprised by them. He walks with me daily in them and pushes me through them. I am blessed beyond measure for the Savior that loves me even in all this mess. I hope that you are encouraged in knowing that God sees you where you are and He desires to walk with you to bring you out of the bondage of sin. I love looking back and seeing how much He has brought me through and the daily grace He gives me.