Do you ever have those days when you wish they would just end and you could wake up to the next morning and just forget about it? Well, yesterday was my day to feel that way. My daughter woke up yesterday morning in the worst mood. She was immediately short and even rolled her eyes a few times. The inside of me wanted to lock her in her room all day and tell her to read her Bible. I mean, I never wake up in a bad mood right???(with a sarcastic tone). I kept asking her what her problem was and that she could march herself right back into her room if that's how she was going to act all day. This momma showed no grace, compassion, or love. We went through our day and she was very quiet and didn't smile very much. I just figured she was tired and didn't want to do her testing. This is the point in your homeschool year where everyone in your house is exhausted and visions of warm sand and cool water bounce through your head everyday. I chalked her attitude up to that reason and pushed her all day long to get things done with a happy heart.
She was made to go to bed early for a previous act of disobedience earlier in the day. We put her to bed with a cold,"Go to bed" and walked out of her room. All of sudden I hear my husband in her room and she was bawling and yelling. I listened from outside her room as she weeped to her daddy about how much she missed her PawPaw. She kept saying things like,"Y'all told me he was going to be ok" and "I would give up everything I have just to have PawPaw." As Josh just let her cry and talk he asked her when she started feeling this way. Then she said something that made my heart hurt and I felt like the worst mom of the year. She said, "This morning, I wrote down everything I felt at this time last year when PawPaw passed away. I wrote the whole thing; the way I felt, how sad I was, and how I didn't like having to go from house to house." I knew right there why she had acted that way all day. I knew why she was being quiet and didn't want to do anything. Why didn't I just gracefully and softly ask her what was wrong? Why didn't I put my arm around her and ask her why she was acting so different today? I missed a moment of loving on my daughter and teaching her about grief and God. I was so mad that I didn't simply slow down and tune into her heart instead of assuming that she was just being a ball full of attitude for no reason.
I woke up this morning felling defeated and condemned that I missed this amazing opportunity. I felt like the worst mom and the worst disciple of Christ for my children to see. So, I read some scripture and apologized to Katelyn for not noticing her heart yesterday. We cried and laughed and are now ready for the day that God has for us. Condemnation is not from the Lord and I know that my Savior has redeemed that heart moment between us. I pray that I go through each day slowly and remember that my kids are little people who need me and when they it usually comes out in a negative behavior. I must speak to their hearts and not their behavior. I hope that my mommy fail will encourage you to press on in the matter of reaching our children's hearts every chance we get!!
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