1. I have to have a husband to be happy.
2. It is my responsibility to change my mate.
3. If I submit to my husband, I'll be miserable.
4. Sometimes divorce is better than staying in a bad marriage.
These are four of the six lies about our marriages that we believe and hang on to. Many times we see our marriage as a battlefield. We have to win and never surrender our rights. I have been married 11 years in July and we have had moments of despair and we have had moments of needing each other so desperately. Marriage is not a battlefield but a sanctuary. It is a place we got to for our safe haven and rest. Let's look at some of these lies that Nancy stresses.
#1: I have to have a husband to be happy. This is for all of my single friends who believe this lie until they find a husband. The Ultimate purpose of marriage is not to make us happy, but to glorify God. many times when women believe this lie, they settle for less than the best God has for them. This leads to a very unhappy marriage and total bondage. The TRUTH is that God has promised to give you everything you need and if He knows that a husband would make it possible for you to bring greater glory to Him, then He will provide a husband.
#2: It is my responsibility to change my mate. When a wife is preoccupied with trying to correct her husband's faults and flaws, she is taking responsibility God never intended her to have, and she will likely become frustrated and resentful toward her husband and maybe even towards God. Nancy talks about two powerful weapons that wives have that are far more effective. Weapon #1 is a godly life, which God often uses in a man's life to create conviction and spiritual hunger (I Peter 3:1-4). Weapon #2 is prayer. Whena wife consistently points out things she wishes her husband would change, she is likely to make him defensive and resistant. When she takes her concerns to the Lord, she is appealing to a higher power to act in her husband's life, and it's a lot harder for a man to resist God than to resist a nagging wife!
#3: If I submit to my husband, I'll be miserable. Satan convinced Eve that if she submitted to God, she would be miserable and would miss out on something. From that day, Satan has done a masterful job of convincing women that submission is a narrow, negative, and confining concept. Here is the truth: The wife is not inferior to her husband, a husband is not permitted to be harsh or dictatorial to his wife,the wife is to provide input and express her opinions to her husband and the husband is not always right. We often look at those truth and think the opposite of them and that submission means that. When we place ourselves under the spiritual covering of the authorities God has placed in our lives, God protects us. On the other hand, we insist on having it our way and stepping out from under that covering and protection, we open ourselves up to influence and attack of the Enemy!!
#4: Sometimes divorce is better than staying in a bad marriage. God uses rough edges of each partner in a marriage to conform the other to the image of Christ. Your mate's weaknesses can become a tool in God's hand to make you into the woman He created you to be. Marriage is a lifelong covenant that is intended to reflect the covenant keeping heart of God ( Genesis 2:18-24). Marriage is hard and good marriages are even harder. I know that there are many people who have so many circumstances that make their marriage difficult. Letting God heal that marriage and praying daily for it to be strengthened and restored is the best choice. I also know that there are awful things that marriage partners do to each other that for many people is unforgivable. Jesus forgave us when we were unforgivable and so can't we forgive all the more. The true gospel leads us to a healthy marriage.
These are some of the lies about marriage that the book outlines. I realize that sometimes marriage can be a risky thing to discuss and talk about. I do not for one second think that there are not people out there that ended a marriage because of situations beyond their control. The biggest thing is to see marriage as a covenant between two people and that the covenant is a picture of our relationship with Jesus. I pray that each of you view your marriage as worth every fight and struggle. God wants for Christian marriages to glorify Him in every way. Be encouraged!!!
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